I Hate Myself For Loving You
by Keet1992
Summary: Meredith is freinds with Derek's Sister, Katherine - or Kathy. They have been friends since they were 5 years old. Meredith loves to hate Derek...doesn't she? Derek loves to annoy Meredith...but why? He couldn't possibly love her...could he? MERDER AU
1. Lately You Make Me Weaker In The Knees

Chapter 1: Lately You Make Me Weaker in the Knees

Meredith groaned as her mother woke her for the fifth time that morning. She hated the first day of school, just like every other student (except the full-on geeks who spent their lunch times programming computers and sipping tea with the teachers) that attended Seattle Grace High School. She was a junior now, so she only had two years to go, and then she would be out of the hell hole faster than you could say 'scalpel'.

Meredith had a huge interest in becoming a surgeon, just like her world-famous mother, and as soon as she left the place she was going straight to college with her best friend Christina. Christina and Meredith were friends because they both didn't like the yucky moments people shared when someone says something, then the other person says something and then somebody cries. Another reason Meredith loved Christina was because of her level of sarcasm that she used daily, and her straightforward crap that she pulled on Izzie and George. She loved to watch them squirm, even though they were all good friends.

Oh, another reason she hated going to school – the senior footy captain – Derek shepherd. Katherine, another of Meredith's good friends, was Derek's sister. Derek liked to make Meredith squirm, but she really didn't understand why. She hated him, and she was sure he hated her too, but he just loved to annoy her until she got angry. She had known Derek and Katherine since she was about 5 years old. Meredith would spend days and days at their house because her mother and her, now, step-father, Richard used to fight a lot when she was young. She didn't like to see her mum crying, so she would go to Katherine's house – just down the road. Derek would open the door to let her in, and as she walked past he would tickle her or hug her – giving her cooties.  
Although he was the hottest guy in school, and the most popular, Meredith seriously could not stand him. He would always be in her face, antagonising, annoying or embarrassing her in front of, not only her friends, but his entire group – including his best friend, who was a true hottie – and man-whore – Mark Sloan.

When Ellis, Meredith's mum, pulled up outside the big brick burden of her teenage years in her black Mercedes 4-wheel drive, Meredith jumped out and waved her mum goodbye.

"I'll pick you up after school today okay?" her mum asked with a smile.

"Sure, just, please try to be on time" Meredith started, "I don't appreciate being harassed by Derek." She said half serious. Her mum laughed at her before pulling away from the kerb, leaving Meredith stranded on the sidewalk. She had been dropped off early, because her mother had an early surgery, but had also promised to take her to school today, so she had to go earlier than normal. She slowly trudged her way up the steps out the front, off in a world of her own, with her music turned up loud on her iPod.

A few seconds later she squealed and came face to face with the one and only, "jerk-tacular Derek! Good to see you again." She commented, impressing herself with her wits.

"Ha ha. Now that's where you're wrong," he paused, "because, well, you don't know me well enough, and I am someone you have to get to know to love." he told her with a smirk.

"Is that so?" she replied automatically turning on her heel, but pausing mid-stride and pointing a finger toward him. "And I DO know you." she said emphasizing her point. "And I seriously DO NOT love you." she said swatting his chest and turning away from him again, but as she did he wrapped his arms around her stomach, and breathed on her neck, making hairs unexpectedly stand up on her arms and the back of her neck.

"I beg to differ." He whispered, burning her ear with his hot breath. Why was she feeling this way? She hated him. He was a complete jerk. She whipped around in his arms, but he still refused to let go. When she looked up, he was right there, looking straight into her deep green eyes.

"Is Kathy coming today?" She managed to squeak out, not moving her eyes away from his intense blue-eyed gaze.

"Later." He whispered to her face.

Meredith finally regained most of her self control and tried to remove herself from the chemical reaction, not very successfully. She cleared her throat, giving her another moment to think of something to say in the form of words, not just grunts and gasps.

"arr." Was all she managed. Meredith couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. This sick, twisted and wrong connection was not cool. "You can let go of me now." she stated, signalling toward his hands that were still planted firmly and protectively on her petite waist.

"What if I don't want to?" he breathed, millimetres away from her mouth.

A few moments later Katherine walked up behind them on the front stairs. Meredith pulled back making a sudden movement and Derek let her go straight away. She cleared her throat for what seemed like the fiftieth time in 5 minutes and pretended to be hugging Derek before pulling away.

"It's so good to see you again Derek." Meredith stated as she looked toward Kathy out of the corner of her eye to see if she had seen anything. Luckily, it didn't look like she had noticed the chemical reaction between her older brother and her friend.

"You too." He replied, his cheeks turning a light pink colour, to match hers.

"You were yelling your heads off at each other yesterday afternoon." Katherine stated sceptically.

"Well…uhh…we are trying to be nice for…uhh…you." Derek said as he pretended to see one of his mates and ran toward the imaginary figure. 'Arse' Meredith thought before turning back to her friend.

"Hi." Meredith said smiling guiltily at her.

"Hi." Kathy replied, a little confused, but Meredith couldn't tell why exactly.

"First day of school…gotta love it." Meredith said sarcastically with a roll of her eyes trying desperately to change the subject.

"Totally." Kathy said with the same amount of sarcasm. "is anyone else here yet…I mean apart from my loser brother who seems to have a thing for touching you…maybe he likes you." at this Meredith turned a dark crimson colour. Kathy looked up at her friend who was desperately trying to hide her face, but Kathy knew her too well. "Oh My God! Meredith! You like him too don't you?" she asked with a tone Meredith couldn't quite work out.

"No! Eww. He's your brother…AND he's an ass." Meredith said, not entirely sure whether it was true or not. Well…she knew the ass part was true, but not the part about her liking him. Ugh! Great! Now she was confusing herself in her own train of thoughts.

"Whatever!" Kathy sighed as they walked into the building, deciding to drop the uncomfortable topic of her brother and her friend…together. At lunch that day Meredith and Christina walked around the school together aimlessly, talking about random things at a time. They could share secrets so easily and not have to worry about anyone finding out. They never started a conversation with things like "can you keep a secret?" or "if I tell you this, will you promise not to tell anyone?" because they didn't need to. They knew what to keep quiet and what to not share. So that day was no different.

"You know Derek?" Meredith asked Christina.

"No, who's that?" Christina said sarcastically.

"Christina! I'm being serious." Meredith said calmly.

"What about him?" she asked digging straight into the drama that she could sense in her friend's voice.

"Well…" Meredith paused, trying to find how she would put this confusing statement. "This morning I got dropped off early because mum had an early surgery, and she promised to take me to school today…" Meredith said, stepping around the edges of the topic with light steps.

"You're rambling!" Christina said in an annoyed voice.

"Right. Sorry." Meredith continued. "Well Derek got to school just after me and I was walking up the steps when he came up behind me and put his hands around my stomach and he wouldn't let go." Christina looked at Meredith in a confused and shocked way. Meredith suddenly realised where she probably thought Meredith was taking this.

"No! No, no, no, no!" Meredith said quickly, reassuring her friend. "He was holding me from behind and holding me in a tight and gentle protective grasp…and when he did…I got goose bumps and his breath against my neck made me shudder and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it or him all day. What's wrong with me?" Meredith finished quickly looking at her friends face for any reaction she might have had, but her face was blank.

"well." Christina started, standing in a pretend thinking pose. "I seems to me that you like this boy." She finished in her best psychologist ways possible. Meredith laughed and gave her a shove.

"Shut up." She said as she threw a skittle at her. "Seriously…what am I going to do…me and Derek…we hate each other." Meredith said seriously.

"It seems to me that this Derek boy might not hate you after all…in fact, quite the opposite." Christina said with a giggle.

"Argh!" Meredith complained. "Psych is crap!" she exclaimed.

"I will agree with you on that." Christina said as they continued to walk. "But I think you need to go and see him after school."

**A/N: well...that's the first chapter...i hope you liked it...and remember...more reviews more story...so dont be shy...let me know what you like and what you dont...i dont bite...and i will work on any requests or ideas...ok...byes...  
Keet**


	2. I Never Feared the Unexpected

**A/N: Thank you SO much for the reviews. After just one chapter I feel so loved, and my story doesnt feel rejected...xD...ok...im gonna shut up now and let you contine on the story's journey...**

After her mum picked her up Meredith went over the Kathy's house to see Derek and ask him about that morning, just like Christina told her to

After her mum picked her up Meredith went over the Kathy's house to see Derek and ask him about that morning, just like Christina told her to. Kathy wasn't going to be home because she and Izzie had cheerleading practice. Meredith walked up the steps onto the front porch and knocked rapidly on the front door. Derek opened the door and smiled when he saw Meredith standing there.

"Hi." Derek smiled.

"Hi." Meredith said confused and weirded out.

"Umm…Kathy's not here." Derek said unsure.

"I know. I came to see you." Meredith said, throwing a bit of harmless flirting in, and her killer smile, of course. Derek looked at her confused. "You gonna invite me in?" she said as she leaned toward him, placing a quick kiss on his lips. She loved to finally watch him squirm, but then she realised that the reason she was here was to get around the whole subject, so she stopped her reckless flirting and just gave him a smile.

Derek broke from his hazy daze and blinked himself back to reality. "Arr…yeah…sure…" Derek managed to croak out, moving aside, desperately trying to hide his bright red face.

Meredith walked past him and headed straight for the kitchen. She was hungry.

"Meredith…" Derek started while he watched her spread some strawberry jam on her bread.

"Yeah?" she said, looking up after taking her first big bite.

"What are you doing here?" he asked straightforwardly.

"Well. I came to talk to you." she paused and looked up to find his gaze looking directly at her. "About this morning." She clarified.

"What about it?" he asked, acting innocent. Typical Derek, Meredith thought.

"You tell me." she said with a wave of her hand as she finished her food and grabbed a soda out of the fridge. His fridge.

"It was nothing." He said "just some harmless fun." He assured her, but she wasn't taking it.

"Derek! Cut the BS and tell me! I know that you're BS-ing me because I know you." she said, getting angry. Derek couldn't help but laugh. As he did, she walked over to him and started pounding her fists on his broad and muscular chest. This caused him to react by gently, but forcefully grabbing her small, ineffectual fists in his hands and staring deep into her beautiful, big, green eyes and leaning down to press his lips forcefully onto hers. At first she resisted the urge to kiss him back, but in the end she found it too hard and kissed him back. The kiss deepened when Derek pushed her up against the kitchen wall and she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, pulling him closer to her. Their lips parted and Meredith sighed reluctantly.

"No." she sighed, defeated and sad, as well as completely out of breath. That was the most amazing kiss she had ever received. Full of…well…she wasn't sure what it was full of…Passion? Rage? Anger? Frustration? Love? Hate?...who knew?...It can't have been love. She sure as hell didn't love him…did she?

"Is anyone home?" Meredith asked as she pressed her lips against Derek's roughly. He shook his head and Meredith smiled in between kisses. Then she broke away and walked up the stairs dragging him behind her. She got to his bedroom and opened the door with a quick, forceful movement, before returning to their seriously passionate kiss and kicking the door shut behind them. Meredith smiled as Derek slowed down and slowly, gently pulled her shirt over her head and smiled a dreamy smile as her hair returned to her back. She smiled and sexily unzipped his pants and slipping her hands down his outer thighs to pull them down. The bulge in his pants was glad to be released, finally. Meredith lay back on the bed as Derek placed kisses down her stomach toward her jeans that were begging to come off. He unbuttoned them roughly and slid them off in one quick movement. He kissed his way back up to her lips and braced his body over her petite one, when they were interrupted by the slam of the front door and Kathy's voice echoing through the deserted house.

"Derek?" she called. "Loser?" she tried that too.

"Shit!" they both exclaimed together.

Derek couldn't help but kiss her once more. What if this was the last time he would ever? No…he couldn't think like that. He would get to kiss her again.

Meredith pushed him away, realising eventually what she was doing and what was happening. She jumped up and grabbed her clothes and went to hide in his bathroom.

"Meredith?" Derek whispered questionably.

"I am going to hide in your bathroom…pretend…I don't know…whatever." She finished before dashing toward the tiled room and shutting the door behind her. Derek pulled his jeans up again, trying desperately to hide the aching bulge in his pants.

Kathy barged into the room without knocking and saw what was happening down there with her brother.

"Oh!" she said backing away, but before she could stop it she questioned it. "Who was it this time?" she asked, slightly amused at Derek's 'experiments' as she liked to call them. Then she glanced up and saw that his bathroom door was closed, which it never was. She smiled wickedly to herself and before Derek could stop her, she had barged over to the closed door and opened it to reveal a semi-naked, flushed cheeks Meredith.

Kathy stood there, in the doorway, jaw dropped, eyes bulging out of her head.

"M-M-Meredith?!" she half exclaimed, half questioned, unable to believe the sight in front of her. Meredith stood there; rage and embarrassment flaring in her eyes, before she slipped her top on and ran out of the house and down the street toward her own.

Kathy was quick to exit her house behind Meredith, but Meredith was a much faster runner than Kathy, so she quickly fell behind.

Meredith's face was stained from the warm and salty tears that wept uncontrollably from her eyes. She was so upset and angry. At herself. And at Derek. What had happened? It all seemed too hazy to remember. They were arguing and then they weren't. Meredith slammed the front door shut behind her and sprinted up the stairs toward her room, ignoring her mother who was singing out to her. Meredith lay face down on her bed, sobbing into a pillow. Less than a moment later, she was interrupted by her (friend?) slamming the door shut behind herself and inviting herself into Meredith's sanctuary.

Meredith looked up briefly, before turning back to her now damp pillow. Kathy stood in a persistent pose over the top of Meredith. Although she knew that she felt intimidating, she could tell there was something not right about interrogating her friend. Well, at least not right now. She could tell that Meredith felt awful for what she had done. The fact that Meredith was crying was a good sign of how she was feeling. Meredith never cried. She was always so strong. So brave. When Doc died and when her father had left her. Kathy was proud to call Meredith a friend. Well, at least, she was.

"I am…" Meredith trailed off. She couldn't do it. Not in her current emotional state. It was too much effort to force words together. She couldn't even figure out if any sound was coming out.

"Do you love him?" Kathy blurted before her brain had time to stop her mouth.

"What? No! Eww! It's D-E-R-E-K! He's your brother. He's an ass and a jerk. No!" Meredith denied, not sure what to answer to such a bluntly delivered question, that she was certain she didn't know the answer to.

"Meredith! I know when you are lying to me." Kathy warned.

"Fine! I don't know!" Meredith screamed out of frustration more than anger. She needed to collect her thoughts. She needed to work her way around this mistake and make sure that it never ever happened again. But first of all she needed to talk to Christina. Christina always had the answers, no matter what it was. Kathy turned and walked out of the room. As soon as she heard the front door slam shut she picked up the phone and dialled Christina's number.

"Hello?!" Christina picked up after the third ring.

"Christina!" Meredith exclaimed into the phone.

"Meredith? What's wrong?" she asked, curious and worried.

"I…Derek…We…" Meredith tried to form words with not much luck.

"Meredith!" Christina warned. "Out with it. You and Derek what?" she said.

"We nearly had sex." Meredith groaned into the handset.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Christina said in her usual Christina spirit.

"Christina. Please cut the crap and the sarcasm for a minute and help me?" Meredith pleaded.

"Ok. Ok. Sorry." She apologized. "So what happened?"

"I went over there to ask him, like you told me." Meredith stopped.

"And?" Christina urged.

"He started taking the piss out of me, like normal and then the next thing I know, we're making out in his kitchen." Meredith paused again.

"You do realise that most girls dream to have Derek Shepherd look twice in their direction right?" Christina asked sincerely; it didn't help though.

"Christina," Meredith yelled into the receiver. "Kathy caught us." Meredith blurted out.

"Oh." Was all Christina managed to say.

"And then she asked me if I loved him."

"What did you say?" Christina pressured, even though she knew it normally didn't work, she knew that her friend needed some pressure.

"I said no…at first." Meredith started. "But then I told her I wasn't sure. I am not sure. Christina! What am I gonna do?" Meredith started sobbing again.

"Meredith! Meredith!" Christina exclaimed to get Meredith's attention. "Do you love him or do you not?"

**A/N 2: Well...there you have it...Does she love him? Does she not?...And what does she tell Christina? Keep reviewing to find out!! xxx**


	3. Victimised By Those Old Butterflies

**A/N: This Chapter took a lot of effort to upload...but i finally did it, because of the lovely and amzing reviews that the first 2 chapters got. Thanks to everyone heaps!! **

"I don't know." Meredith said, trying to calm herself down. This was just way too much drama for her. It was like watching Gossip Girl. It was a reality TV show on _her _life. "Yes or no?" Christina said sternly, interrupting Meredith from her self-pitying.

There was a long pause before Meredith replied. "No." Both of them were silent for a while, lost in their own thoughts, even though Meredith knew that Christina was thinking about her answer; probably contemplating whether to believe it or not.

"Listen, I gotta go." Christina said suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Ok. Ttyl." Meredith said before clicking her phone shut and lying back on her bed with a loud sigh. She eventually drifted into a restful sleep, and didn't wake until the morning sun blinded her with all its beauty and annoyance. Meredith definitely was not a morning person. Even though she had had at least 15 or 16 hours rest, she still didn't want to get up. She didn't want to go to school. At school there was Derek and there was Kathy, and right now, she couldn't face either of them. Meredith didn't know if Kathy was mad, upset, disappointed or annoyed, and she wasn't ready to find out yet. And she didn't want to know what Derek's deal was either. Why did he kiss her? Why had she enjoyed it so much? She hated him, and yet her skin was longing for his sensual touch, his mouth, his tongue. No! she couldn't think like that. it was not good for her mind, or her aching core.

"Meredith" her mother called softly as she knocked on the door and worked her way into Meredith's room.

"I feel sick." Meredith said flatly as she pulled the covers back over her face.

"Are you sure that is what is bothering you? You know that I am always here to listen, don't you?" her mother said as she rested a comforting hand on her daughters shoulder. Meredith didn't want to be comforted. What she had done was despicable. She couldn't feel okay about it. if her mother knew what was upsetting her, she would not be sincere; in fact Meredith would probably be living on the sidewalk by now.

Meredith pulled the covers down just enough for her to see her mother's face.

"Yeah. I know. But I can't tell you. At least not now." Meredith said as she peeled the warm blankets from her body. She climbed out of bed and gave a thankful hug to her mum before entering her bathroom and shutting the door. Half an hour later she was getting into her mum's BMW coupe and was on her way to school. Today was going to be a long day.

During the day Meredith tried desperately hard to avoid Derek and Kathy. So far it was successful, but the look on Derek's face as approached (the invisible) her told Meredith that the success was over. As Meredith turned to walk away before he had a chance to react, he broke into a jog and called her name after her.

"what?" Meredith finally snapped back at him, making him come to a sudden halt.

"I just wanted to see if you were ok." Derek said genuinely.

"On which aspect of my life Derek? The part where I almost had sex with you? Or was it the part where you're sister and one of my _best _friends caught us? Which one? Because both are fond memories I'd like to hold on to." Meredith said, but as she finished, realised that they were, in fact, in the busy school hall that had now fallen silent to hear the commotion going on. "Shit!" she cursed under her breath as she looked from Derek to her student body and back again.

"You can say that again." He whispered in toward her ear as he moved just millimetres away from Meredith. He took her hand and intertwined it with his before pulling her into a run. They dodged the onlookers and managed to escape the rumour ridden hallway. They had actually ended up behind the sport shed on the back oval of the school. Meredith couldn't figure out how though. Everything had been hazy ever since Derek moved just breaths away from her small body and given her goose bumps.

"Do you want to continue our conversation now?" Derek said as he leaned one arm above Meredith's head on the wall of the shed and looked down on top of her head.

"Derek! It will never ever, ever happen again! Do you understand me?" she said as she tried to move out of his imaginary force field that his closeness seemed to have enveloped her in. Derek just stood there, smirking at her. "and just for the record…you're a really bad kisser. All those people that say that you are a good kisser suck! They actually make me feel sorry for you. I mean if they thought you were good…what were they lik --" Meredith was interrupted by the force of Derek's lips pushing onto hers. She started kissing back, letting small moans and gasps escape her lips, running her fingers through his perfect hair; then she realised what she was doing and immediately pulled back.

"Did you not listen to a word I just said?" Meredith said angrily.

"You were rambling." He said bluntly.

"why is that an excuse to kiss me?" Meredith asked as she tried to move her eyes away from his, but couldn't mange it.

"I like kissing you." he shrugged. Meredith looked at him confused.

"why would you like kissing me when there are girls 5 years older than you hitting on you in bars!?" Meredith half stated, half questioned.

"Why do you ask so many questions? You never just take a compliment!" Derek said getting angry.

"that's because I have never been given a sincere one." Meredith shot back.

"would you listen to yourself? Would you listen to me? I give you compliments all the time and you never just accept them. You are always questioning them. You are beautiful and stunning. Your personality is amazing and you are so sincere, so real. Those other girls in all those bars, they're fake. They are Barbie's offspring. I see you and you make me smile. You don't let your beauty or your popularity get the best of you. You are the same Meredith that I fell in love with all those years ago, and I forgot to fall out again." Derek told her, realising he said too much.

"What? What did you just say to me?" Meredith asked confused and still slightly angry.

"I – I – nothing." Derek said before shaking his head and leaving a shocked, confused Meredith to collect her thoughts. Meredith regained her composure and followed quickly behind Derek.

"You – You love me?" Meredith questioned as if she hadn't heard right.

Derek continued walking until he couldn't control his brain any more. He stopped and turned to walk back towards her.

"Yes. I do." Derek said with a nod before bringing her lips up to meet his. They kissed, their tongues dancing in unison before Derek pulled away and started running back across the oval toward the school, leaving a shocked Meredith to collect her scattered thoughts.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

**A/N 2: A shorter chapter this time. It was all i had time for, so i decided to upload what i had written so far before I went to bed. So here it is. i hope you enjoyed it. Love to all my fans...xxx**


	4. It's a Crime Against the Heart

**A/N: Sorry for the overdue update guys...i got swarmed with much homework, so now i am updating it at shcool. sounds fair...doesn't it? lol...here is the next update...i hope you enjoy it...though there is no MD it is all about them...if that makes sense. Love to my fans xxx**

Meredith stood there with her jaw open. Derek _loved _her. He actually _loved_ her. Head-over-heels, fairytale ending, happily ever after freakin loved her. She eventually got enough emotional strength to place one foot in front of the other and make her way back to the main building. She walked through the back entrance and into the busy hall, brushing past all the people who were trying to talk to her, but she didn't hear them. All she heard were those words from Derek's mouth. "I do." It was like a broken tape recorder was shoved into her head, and it wasn't running out of batteries any time soon. Meredith continued down the long hall until she reached the front door, where she pushed her way out of the crowded, noisy hallway and down onto the road out the front of the school. She broke into a run and headed in the direction of her house. 15 minutes later she was out of breath lying across her bed.

After about an hour of laying still on her bed, Derek's words running through her mind, over and over, Meredith sighed and decided to get herself up. She walked down the stairs and into the kitchen to fix herself a sandwich. She chewed on it thoughtfully when she heard a knock at the door. She got up and made her way out to the entry of her huge house and was shocked to see an n unreadable expression on Kathy's face.

"Hi?!" Meredith said, unsure of the situation.

"Can I come in?" Kathy asked flatly.

"Yeah." Meredith replied in the same tone, as she stood aside to let her friend in. They headed toward the kitchen, where Meredith got them both a glass of juice.

"So, what's up?" Meredith asked enthusiastically in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence.

"The sky." Kathy responded dully.

"Okay." Meredith started. "What the HELL is your problem?" she yelled furiously.

"You. And Derek. Mostly you."

"And why?" Meredith questioned, waiting for her to continue.

"You lied to me. Yesterday, on the school steps. It wasn't 'nothing' was it? --"

"It wasn't!" Meredith interrupted irately.

"- - and then," Kathy continued, "you told me that you didn't like Derek. That he was an ass and a jerk."

"I don't. I said I _didn't know!_" Meredith exclaimed. "And he is…or he was…I don't know what to do. I am so confused. So messed up." She cried out.

"You could start by treating your friends better…you know…not lying and stuff!?" Kathy yelled before turning on her heel and walking toward the door.

"I am not lying to you! You have to believe me. - -."

"Maybe not to me, I believe that, but you lied to your best friend. You lied to Christina!"

"I didn't." Meredith was confused. When had she lied to Christina?

"You did! You told her that you didn't love Derek. You said 'no.' and Christina, she believed you. You tricked your best friend into believing that you had no feelings apart from hatred for _my _brother. You do not hate Derek. You love him. If you would just admit your feelings every once in a while then maybe you would see where I am coming from. But I don't expect you to. You are Meredith Grey after all."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Meredith asked angrily. There was no response. "What the FUCK is that supposed to mean?" she asked again, with even more rage in her than ever before.

"Nothing." Kathy said dejectedly.

"Nothing? Nothing! It meant something alright. Tell me!" Meredith demanded. She hated fighting with any one. Most of all one of her closest, lifelong friend. But what was she supposed to do? Stand there and take it? She knew exactly what Kathy meant. Exactly. Meredith had never let anyone in. She had never said those three words to anyone in her entire life, and yet Derek was there, at the school, telling her that he had loved her since she was _five _years old.

"I am not the only one here. Okay? Derek is a part of this messed up…_thing_ too. You know what he told me? Today on the football oval he told me that he _loved _me! L-O-V-E-freakin-D me! Okay?"

"Was that when I saw the two of you with your tongues down each other's throats?" Kathy quizzed. "What did you say to him? I bet you said nothing, didn't you? You just stood there as the guy who loved you walked away, didn't you?"

"It wasn't like that okay? It was unexpected and I was telling him off, and the next thing I knew he was telling me that he had been in love with me since I was 5 years old."

"Derek…he _loved _you all this time? It finally makes sense. That's why he always touched you and tried to get your attention, even if it was negative!?" she stammered.

"Apparently." Meredith said, calming down a bit. Kathy turned on her heel and left the house without another word. Meredith would bet anything she was going to find Derek, so as she could have a go at him too. A minute later Ellis walked through the front door.

"Meredith?" she asked, shocked to see her daughter home from school. "Are you okay? I mean, is everything okay?"

"I don't know," Meredith replied blankly.

"what happened?" her mother asked lovingly as she pulled her daughter into a warm embrace.

"Derek…I mean Kathy, I mean Derek…I don't know" Meredith sobbed.

"What did they do?" Ellis asked sweetly, encouraging her daughter to offload her problems.

"Derek and I, we, I…" Meredith stuttered, "Kathy caught us almost having sex." Meredith told her mother and immediately looked up at her mothers face. To her surprise, it wasn't filled with anger or hatred, but with love and understanding. Meredith thought that she would be on the streets by now with what she had just shared with her mother, but the look in her eyes made her eyes sting, before warm tears rolled down her soft cheeks.

"Hey…hey hey hey…don't cry. It's okay. It's all going to be okay." Ellis tried to reassure her daughter.

"I don't think it is mum." Meredith stated. "Derek told me he loves me. And I stood there and said nothing. And Kathy hates me. She came over just before and we got into a screaming fight," Meredith broke down into hysterical sobs. Trying to control herself she continued to look at her mother for any signs that she wouldn't be living in her house any more, but her reactions were far from what was expected.

"Well, do you love him back?" her mother said as she planted a kiss on top of her daughters head.

"I…" she thought about lying to her mother, but realised that the only person she was fooling was herself. "I…don't know. Yes, I mean no. mum, I do not know. I don't understand. He has loved me all this time, and he chooses to tell me today. Why would he do that to me?" Meredith asked more to herself than to her mother.

"Meredith. Look at me." Ellis said as she placed a finger under her daughters chin and shifted her face to stare straight into her sparkling green eyes that were now puffy from crying. "You cant not no whether you love someone. You either love them or you don't. it's okay if you do love him, because that's life. We can't help who we fall in love with. So, I ask you again. Do you love him?" Ellis finished. Meredith calmed down a bit and managed to stop her tears from flowing freely.

With a sniff of her nose Meredith stared right into her mothers trustful eyes and nodded. "Yes. I do." She sighed.


	5. I am in Love With the Boy That I Hate

**A/N: sorry for the delay...i hope you enjoy it!! love to my fans xxx**

"Well then," Ellis said as she pulled away from her daughter to look into her eyes, "You should tell him."

"No. mum, I can't. You don't understand. I told him I hated him. I can't stand him." Meredith said defensively.

"Meredith," Ellis warned in her motherly tone.

"I love him," Meredith said, as if reassuring herself. "Oh my god! I love Derek Shepherd." She said as a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"It would seem so." Ellis agreed as she left the room to go and have a shower and change for dinner.

"I have to go and tell him." Meredith said aloud to herself. She went upstairs and yelled through her mum's door and told her she was going out. Ellis smiled to herself. She knew exactly where her daughter was going. Meredith sprinted down her street toward the old, Victorian style house on the corner. When she got there, she paused for a minute to regain her breath. She climbed the steps of the front porch and rang the doorbell. Twisting her hands nervously, as she normally did, she waited for her ring to be answered. Mr. Shepherd came to the front door and opened it widely.

"Meredith!" he exclaimed. "What brings you here?"

"I was actually looking for Derek. We are working on the...umm…" Meredith thought of a lie quickly. "The school year book." She stated convincingly. "But I can't stay long, so I was wondering whether he could come downstairs…I just have to ask him something." She told him. He nodded and called Derek downstairs.

"Meredith!" he said, shocked to see her standing on the front doorstep of his house.

"Derek," Meredith said shyly with a nod of her head.

"I'll leave you two alone then. Nice to see you again, Meredith." Mr Shepherd said as he shut the door and returned to the comfort of the big house.

"Meredith?" Derek looked at her confused.

"Derek," Meredith replied, trying to form words. She had come here to tell him, and she was going to do it. 'You can do this Meredith!' she reminded herself.

"What is it?" he asked getting worried. As he did he automatically placed a comforting hand on Meredith's upper arm. She flinched at the warm contact, and he moved away, not wanting to pressure her.

"You told me you loved me." She said, unable to meet his eyes, so she looked down at her leopard print ballet flats. She still was twisting her hands nervously, and biting her lower lip. Derek wanted to take her into his arms and hold her close. "And your sister hates me." She eventually finished. 'Meredith, just say it. You can do it.' She reassured herself. 'It is three words.' She said, but said the last bit out loud.

"Three words?" Derek questioned sweetly as he took both of her fumbling hands in his and kissed the palms. She pulled away. She couldn't do it. She was Meredith Grey. She never let anyone in. Meredith took another couple of steps back and tried desperately to hold back the tears that were threatening to roll down her flushed cheeks. She took a step to the side and ran down the stairs and down onto the street, every step she took, she gained speed. She was running at a rapid pace, more like a sprint. She reached her front door and stopped to brace herself on the doorframe before she would have to face her mother. She pushed open the door warily before turning in the direction of her kitchen. She saw her mother sitting there eating by herself.

"Mum?" Meredith asked. "What are you doing?"

"I am eating dinner. I didn't think you would be home until at least later on tonight." Her mother told her. "So, how'd it go?"

"It didn't. I couldn't do it." She told her mum as she got herself a plate and served up some of the pasta for herself.

"Meredith!" Ellis warned, "You better tell him before I do. Derek is a really great guy, and if you both love each other and he had the courage to tell you his feelings, then you should be able to tell him your feelings too." Ellis finished triumphantly.

"I can't do it tonight, mum." Meredith said as she sat down and took a long sip out of her mothers wine. "Derek is the most popular guy in school. Why would he choose to love _me?_ Meredith asked mostly to herself.

"Meredith. We can't help who we fall in love with." Ellis told her sweetly, encouraging her daughter to finally share at least some of her feelings. She knew it was her fault that her daughter had trust issues. She had made her that way, after all.

"I know, I know." Meredith said, playing with her food. She really wasn't hungry. "I think I am just gonna go to bed." Meredith said as she stood up from the table.

"Okay honey." Ellis said sympathetically.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

After about half an hour of staring at the white ceiling, Meredith heard a knock on her bedroom door.

"Meredith? Can I come in?" She heard Derek's voice and immediately felt her skin erupt with goose bumps. She didn't answer. She couldn't answer. No words were coming out of her mouth. Derek pushed open the door and walked slowly, carefully toward her bed. Meredith froze. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't speak. Derek was in her bedroom. He never came into her bedroom. She eventually found enough strength to push herself up from her lying position. She leaned on her left arm and forced herself into his capturing blue eyes. Derek sat on the bed, just centimetres away from her. Meredith's breath caught yet again as he rested his large, safe hand over hers.

"What did you want to tell me?" he asked softly, sweetly.

In that moment, Meredith couldn't help herself. She leaned toward him and, without taking her eyes from his until the last moment, when her lips crashed forcefully onto his, instantly parting his lips he kissed her back, letting her tongue search every inch of his mouth. They parted and Meredith stared straight into the fierce blue crystals looking straight back into her green ones.

"I'm in love with you too." She whispered.


	6. Your Kiss, Your Touch

**A/N: I apologize continuously and sincerely to all my readers for the extremely long delay for this following chapter. Life has been pretty crazy around here. I apologize again, but it is only a short chapter. I decided I needed to give an update before any longer went past. This chapter is based around one special and chemical night. I am not saying any more, but I shall let you read the update if you wish to. Love to all my fans...xxx**

Derek slowly opened his mouth, allowing Meredith to explore every area with her tongue. Leaning her back slowly Derek laid her back down onto the bed. He placed a protective and sensual hand on her stomach, which made every muscle in her body tighten. Kissing him deeply and passionately, Meredith fumbled with the bottom of his shirt. Slowly lifting it over his head, they broke the kiss for a moment. As they did their eyes locked and Meredith was lost. What was about to happen was going to be magical. Derek smiled dreamily and sweetly, and it was then that he knew that she could be the last person he would ever have sex with; and he was okay with that. There, in that moment, they were two people who were as in love with each other as humanly possible, and that scared the hell out of Meredith. She had never let anyone close enough to feel this way. Derek could somehow sense what she was thinking and slowed to a stop, braced above her semi-naked, beautiful and petite body. He stared lovingly into her amazingly deep eyes, and Meredith could swear he was looking into her soul. Her body was covered in goose bumps, and Derek could feel it. He was sure it was okay, and looking into her eyes, he knew that she was happy. Knowing that he had made her happy, and seeing her eyes crinkle as a smile spread across her face, made his heart skip a beat. It wasn't just an everyday smile that she showed to everyone at school to acknowledge their existence. It was a real genuine smile, and it was very rare for anyone to see it. For her to be showing him a genuine smile made him fall in love with her all over again. It was beautiful. Stunning. Breathtaking. If he didn't look away soon, he may have fainted from lack of air. His eyes studied her face, inch by inch, as he caressed her cheek with his thumb. When he reached her lips, he couldn't help but kiss her. Again and again and again. The kiss seemed to deepen every time, and Derek couldn't stop himself but go back for more. He found the top of her sleep-pants, but couldn't seem to get them off. He stopped kissing her lips and moved to her collar bone, and eventually down to her stomach, leaving sweet soft kisses over her entire, goose bump covered, body. When his mouth reached her lower stomach he pulled his lips away and slowly undid the bow that had been tied by her very own slender hands. Meredith sighed, longing for his mouth to be on her again. Anywhere. Everywhere. She needed him to be on top of her, whispering sweet nothings and holding his hands protectively on her. This scared Meredith. She had never, even after all her boyfriends that she had had, ever felt this way. She never longed for their touch, or their breath on her neck. She longed for Derek more than she longed for summer vacation. She needed him like the ocean needs the tide, like the sky needs the moon. She couldn't stand it any longer.

"I need you, Derek." She whispered loudly, her voice raspy and full of desire. At this, Derek moved quickly. He pulled down her pants and panties in one sudden movement, which made Meredith ache with desire. He moved up her body again, placing kisses in one line from her lower stomach up to her neck and eventually her swollen, needy lips. She granted his tongue entry automatically while gasps and gentle moans escaped her perfect, full lips. She fumbled with his jeans and managed to get them off in one swift movement, finally freeing him. She could tell he was entirely grateful, and returned her lips to his as he rolled over to let Meredith on top of his muscular body that shone in the light moonlit room. Their eyes locked once again as the kiss broke, and they stayed in that moment, searching each others souls, until Meredith sighed sensually, releasing Derek's emotion. He leaned down to her lips once again and began to kiss her deeply. Passionately. Just like he had imagined he would be able to do everyday for the rest of his life. Small gasps and jolts shot through her body as he entered her slowly and gently. 35 minutes later both of them were lying next to each other, covered in sweat, and almost laughing.

"That was…" Meredith started.

"Yeah." Derek replied. Meredith sighed again, letting out a long breath that she desperately needed.

"Wow!" Meredith said as she laughed. Derek loved to hear her laugh.

"Yeah." Derek agreed again. They looked at each other, searching their eyes. She leaned across and kissed Derek sweetly on the lips, closing her eyes and placing her small hands flat on his broad chest, savouring the way it tasted; the way it felt. What they had just shared, she was sure she would never forget. Ever. It was _the _single most amazing thing that either of them had ever experienced. Meredith could feel that maybe, just maybe, Derek would be the only person that she would say 'I love you' to, ever; and in this moment, she didn't care. They fell into a deep and restful slumber, bodies on top of each other, fingers entwined. Meredith didn't want to know about tomorrow, and what would await her, she just wanted the moment to last forever.


	7. Dangerously In Love

**A/N: So, Life had been crazily hectic lately, hence the irregular, random, whenever-I-can updates! For this I apologize profusely. I have fallen completly in love with this story, and I have been spending time, even when I have been away, or working on homework, out with friends or just generally busy, I have spent many moments contemplating possible ideas and story lines. Not even I have any idea where the story is going, so it's new to me when I finish writing it. I read through the chapter and am like...'i wrote that? okay.' or 'aww! what a cute moment!', or whatever. So, yeah, I know, I am weird and random, but thats how I like it. I know that I really am going on now, so I will leave you to it, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I loved writing it. Love to my patient and (hopefully) understanding fans...I really love you all (Especially the awesoem reviews that just make my day...xD) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The next morning Derek woke to see a peacefully resting Meredith. He sat up and rested on his forearm while he watched her sleep. He gently brushed some hair from her face to behind her ear, so as to get a better look at her beautiful face. When he did this she stirred, before opening her radiant green eyes, and looking straight into his. He rested his hand protectively on her waist and pulled himself down to her lips to greet her with a precious kiss.

"Morning beautiful." He whispered as they broke the kiss.

"Morning." She sighed happily, kissing him again, before getting up and wrapping the white sheet around her chest.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To get ready for school." She replied cheekily as she sexily started to walk toward her bathroom.

"Is that so?" he asked her with a laugh, but inside he was aching for her to come back to bed and kiss him again. All he wanted was for Meredith to wrap her small arms around him and stay in this wonderland all day, possibly for the rest of his life.

"Yes. It _is_ a Wednesday." She replied as she closed the bathroom door, leaving him with one last loving, teasing smile. At this Derek couldn't help himself. He pulled himself from the warmth of her bed and opened the door to her bathroom and saw Meredith standing with her back to him, running he fingers through her wet hair. He pulled back the curtain and climbed into the shower, wrapping his arms around her toned waist. At this Meredith smiled to herself before turning around in his arms and meeting his lips with hers. She parted her lips to grant him access to her full mouth. He gently pushed her up against the wall, running his fingers through her hair.

"Derek," she whispered, feigning annoyance. "What are you doing?"

"What does it feel like?" he asked as he worked his way down her body with sweet soft kisses.

"Derek. We have school in 45 minutes." Meredith warned, although she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

"I will be really quick. I mean with you I am." Meredith wasn't sure whether he was making fun of her, or giving her a compliment, so she laughed before playfully pushing him away from her pleading, aching body. To this Derek responded by capturing her swollen lips with his and running his fingers down her arched back.

"Make it quick." She whispered loudly, her voice full of yearning.

"My pleasure." Derek said with a wink. Meredith laughed until he pressed his lips to hers forcing her to stop. 20 minutes later the water was almost bone-chilling cold. It was refreshing on their flushed, hot skin though.

"I don't want to go to school today." Meredith sighed as she collapsed exhaustedly into Derek's supportive arms.

"hmm…neither." Derek replied as he stroked the side of her face lovingly as he held her in his arms, never wanting to let go.

"but we have to, Meredith said with a heavy sigh as she balanced herself and climbed out of the shower. Derek followed her lead and climbed out too, standing right behind her, his arms around her, kissing her neck.

"Derek!" she annoyed. "You said that you would let me get ready after that."

"Just one more kiss? Please?" he begged as he pouted his bottom lip out.

"Okay. One kiss. But if we are late it is your –" Meredith was interrupted by Derek's soft lips on hers. She kissed him back, holding him in her arms, not wanting it to end. She knew it had to though. She had to be at school in 15 minutes, and it took 30 minutes to walk.

"Derek. We. Have. To. Go." She said in between kisses.

"No." he cried as he opened his mouth to give Meredith better access. "I don't want to." He mumbled into her open mouth."

"Derek!" she yelled, getting angry now. "We are so late, and it's all your fault." She said as she playfully swatted his chest as she walked past him and into her bedroom.

"But!" Derek went on.

"No buts!" Meredith warned as she tried to pick out something to wear.

"But I won't be able to kiss you all day, and I don't know what I am gonna do. I can't live without your touch for 2 minutes, let alone 7 hours." He said sweetly as he looked down, defeated. He realised that he wasn't even allowed to _look _at the girl he was madly in love with for at least 7 hours. No kisses, no hands, no eyes. Nothing.

"Derek. That is so sweet. But we are so late, and you need some different clothes to wear. You don't want a walk of shame outfit do you?"

"Firstly, what does it matter if we're say, another 45 minutes late? If we're already late, then we already have detention, which means even longer without looking in your direction. And secondly, it won't be a 'walk of shame outfit.' Although," he said, thinking about what he had just said. "The guys might pull the piss outta me and ask all sorts of questions. And that would mean denying you, and I don't think I could lie about that. I love you too much to lie about us." He said as he made sure not to break the intense gaze. As Meredith stared into his eyes, she realised how much he did love her. She walked over to him and kissed him deeply and passionately.

"I love you too much, I'm afraid." She said, breaking the kiss.

"Afraid of what?" he asked as he pulled her away to look caringly into her eyes.

"Afraid that I love you too much. I am afraid that you will stop loving me. I am afraid that you will leave me for someone else. I am afraid that Kathy will hate me forever more. I am afraid that I will never fall out of love with you, even when you leave me. I am afraid that this…thing…will end before it really starts." Meredith said as tears started to run from her eyes, and flow down her cheeks.

"hey! Hey hey hey." Derek said, trying to comfort her. He wiped the tears from her eyes and took her in for a warm and protective embrace. Just being held in his strong arms made Meredith feel so loved. So welcome. Like she could face anything that the world through in her face. But what if the one thing that was making her feel this way was the one thing that got thrown in her face?

"Look at me." he said gently as he placed a finger under her chin, pulling her face so as his eyes could meet hers. The light reflected off the warm tears that had just emerged. He kissed her lips softly before returning to her gaze. "You will never love me too much, because that is impossible. I will never stop loving you because that is also impossible. I won't leave you for someone else, because I love you too much to hurt you like that. you wont _have _to fall out of love with me, because I will never fall out of love with you. This thing will never end, and it has already begun, and don't worry, Kathy will come around. I think this is just a bit of a shock to her." Derek said as he caressed her cheek with his thumb and wiped a sole tear that ran down her face.

"Promise?" she asked.

"I promise." He said as he kissed her.

"Let's stay home today." She said as she allowed his caring arms to envelope her in their grasp.

"Okay." He said, not moving an inch. "I love you Meredith Grey." He said as he kissed the top of her forehead.

"I love you too, Derek Shepherd. I am just sorry that I realised this so late."

"It's okay. At least we are together now. Let's just embrace the feeling that will last for the rest of our lives." Derek reassured her with a smile as they lay back into the bed in a tired and exhausted heap of naked bodies.

"Sleep now." Meredith said as her eyelids fluttered shut, blocking out the fierce morning light.

**A/N 2: So, that was the end of that update. I absolutely loved writing the steamy shower scene. And Derek's little speeches are just amazing...well I like to think so. It's not me that writing the story...It's my fingers...they have a mind of their own. Okay...gonna try to get started on the next update asap...so...toodles my loyal and forgiving fans!! xxxxxxx**


	8. What On Earth Do I See In You?

**A/N: Here is the next update...thank you sooooo much for all the wonderful reviews...and i hope that this chapter pleases you... xxxxxxxx**

At one-thirty-seven, Meredith cracked open an eye and glanced at her bed-side clock. She groaned and slumped back down into her bed. After another couple of minutes, and no luck of snoozing into another slumber, she opened both her eyes and sat up slowly, holding her head in her hands. It felt like she had a hang-over. She had definitely over slept, and over-sleeping could do that to you. Maybe that was it. Then she remembered her night and morning. It was probably from a lack of oxygen over the past 16 hours. Then she remembered that Derek stayed there that morning. She glanced to the empty spot next to her and her heart immediately sank. Where did he go? Was she bad in bed? Was it just a one-night-(and morning)-stand? Then her bedroom door cracked open and in walked Derek with a tray of food, putting a stop to that train of thought.

"Good morning babe." Derek said sweetly as he placed the tray down on the end of her bed.

"Afternoon." Meredith corrected with a laugh.

"Shut up." Derek said jokily as he lent in to give Meredith a quick kiss. But as their lips touched the chemical reaction wouldn't let go. The kiss deepened and soon Meredith was lying on her back with Derek bracing himself on top of her small body.

"Derek," Meredith started, breaking the immensely deep kiss, "not again." She said as she kissed him once more before sitting up, causing Derek to fall onto the empty spot next to her flushed body.

"What? Why?" Derek moaned.

"Because we need to establish some self control, and right now we are like a couple of rabbits in breeding season." Meredith explained.

"But what if I want to act like a couple of rabbits in breeding season?" he asked her with a sexy smile as he stroked her upper arm lovingly.

"No!" she warned, moving out of his intoxicating force field of strong sexual feelings. She pushed herself up from the bed, her head still throbbing, and walked over to her closet where she grabbed her fluffy dressing gown out and wrapped it around her body.

"Now that is _not _fair." Derek whined.

"What?" Meredith asked cluelessly as she tied the belt together looking in the mirror.

"You can't get up and walk over there like that and expect me to just sit here and watch." He said as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, his hot breath causing her skin to flash on full alert.

"Well you shouldn't have watched." Meredith replied, her attention completely consumed from Derek's presence.

"Maybe so, but I couldn't not watch. Your far too sexy." He whispered, his hot breath burning her ear. "And I love you so much." He added for effect, hoping that she would give in.

"I know you do, but we are not having sex again." Meredith said, moving away from him.

"What? Ever?" Derek said, a look of pure horror on his face.

"No, not today." Meredith assured him.

"How about tonight then?" Derek asked.

"Depends"

"On what?"

"How good you are today. And how I feel tonight. And just…other stuff."

"Okay." Derek said, half defeated. "Does this count as 'good'?" he asked as he walked over and grasped her hips in his hands before pulling her up to meet his lips. Meredith parted her lips and let him inside. Small moans escaped from her small mouth, and it drove Derek insane. No! If there was any chance that he was going to share another magical night with her tonight, then he would have to control himself. He pulled away from the kiss and moved away. Meredith looked at him confused, but he didn't look at her.

"What?" she asked, slightly irritated that he had broke an amazing and steamy kiss.

"I can't" he said flatly, forcing himself not to meet her eyes.

"Cant what?" she asked as she moved closer to him to place a comforting hand on his arm, but as she did, he pulled away.

"I don't want to rush this. I want you to know that I respect you. And that I love you and I don't want to push you." he explained, still staring at his feet.

"Derek," Meredith said to get his attention. He looked up and got trapped in her beautiful emerald eyes again. "We have already had sex, twice; and it was amazing and wonderful and wow, and we both love each other. What is this about?" she said. It was kind of scary; knowing this much about Derek already.

"I…I…I don't know." He stammered.

"It's gotta be about something." She said sternly, but with a comforting tone in her voice.

"It's…" Derek began, "it's just that I respect you. I respect you so much. But you have this amazing power over me. It's like my mind leaves my body whenever I am in contact with you. And I am worried that even if I just look at you, I wont be able to control myself, and then you will feel pressured; and I really, really, really don't want you to feel pressured. I just have this chemical attraction to you, and it is so powerful and strong. Whenever you are close to me my body goes into some insane mode and I can't help myself, and you said no sex, and I respect that. But as soon as I kissed you, my body went into it's insane mode again and all I wanted was to make you moan and gasp. I know…I know it sounds disrespectful and possibly rude but I just can't help myself. So I think it's best if we just separate for - -" Derek was interrupted by Meredith kissing him thankfully and passionately.

"If you are that attracted to me," she said as she broke the kiss, "and you have that much respect for me," she kissed him quickly on the lips again, "then I think you might just be in luck." She said as she pulled open the button at the top of Derek's jeans, before running her hands up and down his bare chest until she found his lips with hers.

"Are you sure?" he asked concerned, but also hopeful.

"yes. I just wanted to see your self-control, but you obviously have none." She said jokily.

"I just said - -" Derek started before he was interrupted by her finger pressed against his lips.

"I know." She whispered seductively before pushing him backwards and onto the bed and planting her lips firmly to his, yet again.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

"Meredith?" her mother nearly shrieked as she pushed open the door to her daughter's room.

"Mum?!" Meredith said as she pushed Derek off her and covered herself with blankets.

"What are you doing home from school?" she questioned furiously.

"What are you doing coming into my room?" she demanded.

"I heard some noises and I thought we were being robbed." Her mother explained harshly. "I ask you again, what are you doing home from school."

"I felt unwell this morning and Derek realised I wasn't at school so he came over to check on me." she lied.

"And why is he on top of you naked?"

At this Meredith turned bright pink, but tried to hide her embarrassment as best as she could.

"I would think that was pretty obvious, mum." She told her smartly.

"Meredith, you do realise that you are underage, and that you SKIPPED SCHOOL TO HAVE _SEX!_" Ellis boomed, infuriated.

"I…No I didn't. I told you I wasn't feeling well." Meredith managed, her voice becoming shaky. Meredith had never seen this side of her mother before.

"Don't lie to me." her mother warned. "I know that Derek stayed the night, which was fine, but I never expected that you would skip school to have an all-day sex romp with Derek. Especially with Derek. I expected better from you, son." she said, changing her tone to speak to him. Derek turned bright pink and tried to hide under the covers as much as possible without giving away that he was terrified.

"I, we," Meredith started to form words to explain. "I love him mum. I love him so much. And life at school was going to be hard, especially today. Kathy hates me and I lied to Christina. And Derek's friends would probably think he had gone nuts. We were already running late and I was awfully tired, so Derek suggested that we stay here. At first I said no, but as time went on, the idea seemed better and better. I only woke up thirty-five minutes ago, so I spent most of the day sleeping." Meredith explained carefully. She watched her mother's face for any reaction she might have. Nothing.

**A/N 2: So...if there was any weirdness in their, blame the tequila...i dont know why, just do...lol...love from Australia to all my amazing and beautiful fans x**


	9. Caught and In Trouble?

**A/N: thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews. xxxxxxxx**

And then she spoke.

"Okay." Was all she said.

"Okay? That's it?" Meredith questioned.

"Just get dressed and come down stairs when you can manage to keep your hands off each other long enough to talk to me." Ellis said as she shut the door and walked out, leaving the two rabbits alone. Meredith and Derek had turned the same shade of cherry pink as they tried not to laugh from embarrassment.

"I think we should go down now." Meredith said quickly.

"Me too," Derek started, before adding, "Do you think she will be mad?"

"I don't know. It's hard to tell."

"Okay." Derek said as he pulled his shirt over his head for the 3rd time that day, "ready to go?"

"Okay. Let's do this." Meredith replied, but as she went to swing the door open, Derek grabbed her arm and brought her up to his lips for one last, breath-taking, amazing kiss before the much dreaded confrontation with the Ellis Grey.

"Just remember I love you, no matter what happens." Derek promised as he tried to regain some oxygen in his lungs.

"Okay, Let's go." Meredith said breathlessly as she smoothed out her white singlet.

The two traipsed down the stairs, hand in hand, before turning the corner to the kitchen and seeing Ellis sitting with her cup of coffee in her hands, flipping the pages of a medical newspaper.

"mum…?!" Meredith said nervously, biting her lower lip and twisting her hands.

"Meredith…" Ellis replied as she shut the newspaper and set her coffee down on the table. "…I see that you are dressed now."

Meredith just nodded as she turned a dark shade of red.

"Right. Okay. I will just ask then." Ellis began awkwardly. "Why did you stay home from school?"

"I told you already, mum." Meredith explained. "We were both awfully tired and already running late, so we stayed home and slept. We only woke up about half an hour ago."

Ellis just nodded, as if trying to think of the next embarrassing question to ask in front of her new-found boyfriend.

"Why were you running late?" she questioned calmly. Meredith contemplated whether to lie to her mum, or risk being entirely embarrassed.

"well…" Meredith started, before looking to Derek for help of any sort, but he looked just as worried and embarrassed as her, if not worse. "I got up and went for a shower, when…" Meredith couldn't hold her mothers eye contact, so she looked down to a spot on the table in front of her. "Derek kind of, you know, joined me." She mumbled.  
"no, I don't know." Ellis said. Meredith knew that she knew exactly what she meant, but she was getting her to own up for her actions.

"We had sex in the shower! Okay mum. S-E-X! you know, when two people love each other very much, and they cant keep their hands and eyes off each other for more than three seconds?!" Meredith said as she got frustrated and annoyed. Ellis nodded in realisation and nodded her head to show she understood.

"Okay." Ellis replied slowly. "Just please try not to do it again." She said and waved them off to return to whatever they were doing. Meredith grabbed Derek's hand and ran up the stairs holding it tightly. She needed his lips against hers. She needed his tight protective grasp around her waist; his large hands gripping to her hips. She reached the bedroom door and pulled him inside. Slamming the door shut she pulled Derek to her pleading mouth. He was quick to react, but then pulled away after a couple of minutes.

"What is it?" she asked, annoyed; wishing his lips were forcefully on hers again.

"Your mum is in the kitchen," he started, before hesitating.

"And?" Meredith said as she slipped her hand up his shirt.

"And, well…" Derek mumbled. "Like it or not, you're very _loud._"

"What's that suppos - -" Meredith stopped when she realised. "Well…I need you…_now! _So what are we gonna do?" she asked with pleading eyes.

"I have an idea," Derek said as he grabbed her small hand, "but you have to be quiet so your mum doesn't here." He raised his eyebrows to her. "Okay?"

Meredith nodded and followed Derek willingly. They crept down the stairs and turned toward the laundry. They snuck out the back door and into the backyard. Derek ushered Meredith to go behind the big oak tree. He pinned Meredith against it and kissed her soft, swollen lips as he fumbled with her singlet.

"I like this idea." She mumbled in between kisses.

"mmm…," Derek muttered. "Me too."

And with that they slowly moved to the ground that was lightly scattered with leaves. Naked, they lay on top of each other. Grinding their hips into one another and moaning, gasping, grunting, screaming in pleasure. Amazing. It was the only way to describe it. Eventually, Meredith pulled her exhausted and limp body from on top of Derek and lay on the cool ground beside him. Staring into each others eyes, they lay there, motionless; neither of them able to wipe the ridiculous grins that were plastered to their faces.

"This may sound unbelievable, but that is not the main reason I love you." Derek said with a smirk.

"Shut up." Meredith playfully hit his chest, but Derek grabbed her hand and pulled her on top of him again. She gently pulled her lips down to meet his. There, they lay, kissing like there was no tomorrow, and Meredith had never been happier. Being with Derek had turned her world upside down – she hadn't spoken to Kathy in more than 24 hours, and that was not normal – and she thought it may be for the best. She missed her best friend though. She missed both her best friends a lot. She never went more than a few hours without talking to them. Then she remembered that she had shut her cell phone off last night before she went to see Derek.

"Shit!" she mumbled as she pulled away from Derek's addictive kiss.

"What?" he said, immediately worried.

"I turned off my cell last night and I forgot to turn it back on again. Christina is gonna kill me – actually she probably thinks I am already dead. SHIT!" Meredith said, louder and clearer.

She jumped off of Derek and pulled her sweat pants and singlet over her head and ran inside. She eventually found her phone, which had been knocked onto the floor under her bed. She flipped it open and told it to turn on. Thirty seconds later the screen showed up with a message. '11 messages received'.

"Shit." She mumbled again.

She opened her inbox and scrolled through the messages. 9 from Christina, one from her mum and one from…omg…Kathy!? She read the ones from Christina. They all said pretty much the same thing, except the most recent one.

'Meredith, if you are lying in a hospital on your deathbed I am gonna kill you! Where are you?' Meredith sighed. "crap." She mumbled as she read her mum's message.

'Meredith I am on my way home from the hospital now, so I will pick you up from school early.'

Then came the moment of truth. Kathy's message. Meredith scrolled to it and hit the open button. She forced her eyes onto the screen.


	10. And It's Not The Good Kind

**A/N: I apologize continuously for the overdue update yet again. Life is just silly. And cruel. But that's a different story. I as going to try to get this chaptr up on friday, but I suffered majorly major writer's block, so that cam to a ceasing hush. Anyways, I will quit my Meredith-like rambling and leave you to this next chapter. Love to all my extemly, very patient and forgiving, loving, review-leaving fans. xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

'Please meet me at the diner on the corner at 5? I need to talk to you.' Meredith glanced at her watch. 4:47pm. Great, Meredith thought to herself. In 13 minutes Meredith was going to be confronting her…well she didn't know what Kathy was anymore. If you asked Meredith, she was a friend, but if you asked Kathy, you would probably get a completely different answer. Meredith decided Kathy could be her acquaintance for this 'meeting' that she now had 8 minutes to get to.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He had an annoying, yet insanely sweet way of doing this.

"I am going to meet your sister at the diner on the corner." Meredith replied as she pulled out of his safe grasp and walked over to her dressing table. She slid on some bracelets, hooked in some earrings and placed a chain around her neck. Then she put on some make up to try to hide her puffy eyes and flushed cheeks.

"When will you be back?" Derek asked sadly.

"I don't know. When we're done talking about whatever she wants to talk about." Meredith said as she shoved her stuff into a bag. "And you need to go home and shower and get changed and whatever." Meredith said as she stopped and looked up at him.

"You look beautiful." Derek said as his eyes visually groped at her body, piece by piece.

"I do not. Don't patronize me. I look like crap and I feel like crap. Don't mess with me." she warned.

"Okay, sorry." Derek said sadly. "Can I have a goodbye kiss then, because I wont see you until tomorrow, unless you want me to come over tonight?!" Derek said hopefully.

"No. Derek, I don't want you to come over tonight. Go and sleep in your own bed. We have school tomorrow." Meredith said as she stood upright and walked toward the blocked doorway.

"Kiss?" Derek pouted.

"Fine." Meredith sighed. "But make it quick, I am already - -" Derek's lips were already pressed against hers, moving with her mouth, like it had been programmed that way. Three minutes and several seconds later Meredith pulled back and sheepishly opened her eyes, transfixed in another universe.

"I gotta go." She said quickly as she tried to move past him, but he blocked her way. "What are you doing?" she said, obviously annoyed.

"I need some more kisses. That was definitely not enough to last me more than 14 hours. It was enough to last about 5 minutes.

"Derek!" Meredith said sternly. "I am going to be so late. Look I am already late. I have less than a minute to get there."

"Aww, come on, Kathy knows you." Derek said, trying to kiss her again.

"Yeah, and she knows that I never skip school and I never not reply to txt's and that I am never _late._" Meredith said, getting angry.

"Oh." Derek said dejectedly. "I'm sorry. I'm just going to miss you is all."

"I know. I know baby." Meredith said, also sadly. "One more _quick_ kiss, okay? And only because I love you so much." Meredith said. Derek smiled and Meredith thought she might melt away. She never knew there would be someone out there that would ever look at her as Derek had just then. He pushed his lips to hers, parting his mouth, and then hers with his tongue. Several minutes later Meredith ran out of her front door, shutting it sharply and waving to a pouting Derek through her living room window. She blew one last kiss before turning to run down the street toward the diner. She arrived 7 minutes late, 'stupid derek' she thought as she pushed open the door to lock eyes with her acquaintance. She headed over to the table occupied by Kathy who was staring uncertainly in Meredith's direction. Meredith let the nervousness seep through her body, encasing her in a ball of nervous energy, which seemed to radiate off her.

"Kathy." Meredith nodded as she took a seat opposite the cold stare that greeted her.

"Meredith."

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Meredith asked, getting straight to the point, which was unlike her rambling self.

"Okay," she started. "Here's the thing. You lied to me, and you made it awkward and uneasy for me, and Christina. And you love my brother. And you have had sex with him. And you made me lose all my trust in you. but most of all, I cant get the picture of you and Derek in the throws out of my head. So I have some to a decision."

Meredith looked at Kathy confused, before speaking her question allowed. "How did you know I have slept with him?"

"oh, puh-lease." Kathy said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"What? Please tell me." Meredith said, trying to move away from Kathy's decision, knowing what it could possibly be. She didn't want to believe it though. She wasn't going to let her acquaintance destroy her new found love, and life.

"No. we are getting off the topic of my decision." Kathy said, her face turning icy-cold again.

Oh no. Meredith gulped back the lump in her throat. This was it. the moment of truth. There were two possible endings here that Meredith could think of. Kathy would either accept the relationship (highly unlikely after the speech and cold glares) or she would tell she would never forgive her and she never wanted to see Derek or her ever again. (more likely by, like, 100 per cent.)

"I have decided that I will forgive you and take you back as a best friend," Kathy said as Meredith's face resembled shock and happiness, "If you leave Derek." She finished. Meredith dropped her face to the table and her jaw fell to her lap. Leave Derek!? Was she insane? Derek was…Derek. Derek was hers. Derek loved her. Derek needed her. She needed Derek. Derek was her new-found inner strength. Meredith closed her eyes as a sole tear streamed delicately down her saddened face.

"I…I…I…" Meredith was left speechless. She couldn't form words. They had been together for mere hours, and she was being told to break up with him if she wanted her best friend back. Did Kathy not know anything about Meredith? About how hard it was for her to let someone in in the first place? Did she not understand what Derek meant to her?

"Well?" Kathy said impatiently. "I'm waiting." She folded her arms across her chest forcefully.

"I…" Meredith stuttered again. "I…"

"Yes!?" Kathy demanded.

"I…" Meredith started again.

**A/N 2: So, a slight, small, possibly nothing cliff-hanger for you all. The next chapter is slighlty (well, mostly) unknown for me. So, yeah, whatever. Oh. And REVIEWS are INSPIRATION and a sign of LOVE...so please please please review!? i love you all...xD **


	11. And I Will Always Love You

After several moments went by, Meredith opened her mouth to speak. She forced herself to form words and looked Kathy directly in the eyes.

"Okay," Meredith began. "If that's what you really want me to do, I will leave Derek. If our friendship is going to suffer that much, then I will try to pretend that it never happened. I can assure you that it will be extremely hard for me, like you probably already know. But if our 12 year friendship means that I leave the man I truly and dearly love with all my heart and soul, then I will do it. For you." And with that Meredith got up and left, tears running freely from her eyes. She ran all the way home and up the stairs. She reached her room and collapsed onto her bed, like she had many, many times before. She buried her head in her pillow and let herself cry. She cried until she fell into a light and restless sleep a few hours later. At 12:23 Meredith heard a knock on her window. She opened her eyes when another sound echoed through the empty house. She peeled the covers back and went to the window. Derek. Crap. What was she gonna do? She went down stairs and headed through the laundry door to greet a hugely grinning Derek.

"What are you doing here? It's after midnight." Meredith said uneasily.

"I missed you." He replied as he leaned in for a kiss. Meredith turned her head at the last minute, so his lips collided with her cheek. He pulled back immediately sensing something was really wrong. He looked at her with an amount of care in his eyes as Meredith thought would never be possible for anyone. He didn't say anything. But his eyes asked the questions, and that made Meredith break down and cry. Derek remained silent as he held her close, letting her cry until she had no tears left.

"I…I need you to be with me," she started to say as he crying slowed. "But you can't be. I told Kathy that…that…" Meredith broke down in sobs again. Her body ached in places she never knew she had. The spot in her chest where her heart used to be was hollow. She couldn't support her weight anymore. She fell to the ground and placed her head in her hands. She had never cried this much in her life. Especially not in front of someone.

"What did you tell Kathy?" Derek finally spoke, softly as he brushed her face and kissed the top of her head while holding tightly to her waist.

Meredith took a deep breath and sat silently for a few moments before she opened her eyes and looked into Derek's deep blue pools.

"She asked me to, to, to," Meredith took another breath and told herself to calm down.

"To what?" Derek asked sweetly.

"ShetoldmethatifwestillwantedtobefriendsthatIhadtobreakupwithyou." Meredith said so fast Derek couldn't understand her.

"What?" he said as he rubbed her lower back gently.

Meredith took another deep breath. "I'm breaking up with you." Meredith said as she looked down again and began sobbing for the hundredth time that day.

Derek stood up and left Meredith on the damp ground. He stood above her with a confused and shocked look on his face. But the worst look made Meredith's heart shatter into thousands of pieces. It made her heart throb and a pain surged through her body. Derek began to cry. Tears began to stream from his eyes, before dying on his lips. The very lips that Meredith wished against all her power, all her strength, that she could kiss, that she could have pressed against hers all over again. She stood up, unable to control the obvious shakiness, not only in her voice, but also her entire body. She took a step toward Derek and Derek moved a step back.

"I…I…I don't understand."" He said as he shook head, unable to look into her green eyes that sparkled in the moonlight.

"Kathy, she told me, she told me that if I wanted to still be friends with her then I had to end it with you. And you, Derek, of all people know how much Kathy means to me. You know that I would never do anything that would harm our 12 year friendship." Meredith said, her voice reaching between high and low notes and volumes.

Derek dared himself to look into her eyes. They shone dramatically from the wet tears that stained her beautiful face. He held her gaze, and noticed that inside the red puffyness of her usually bright and full eyes, there was nothing. They were empty.

"You know me too. You have known me for 12 years too. What about hurting me? I _love_ you" Derek said as he stared gently into her empty pools of green.

"And I love you too. So, so much. I hurt, I ache, in places that I never thought I had inside of me. There is an empty space in my chest, right here." she said as she held a hand to her heart. She wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath before continuing. "But life goes on. You will find the right person and you will live happily together, but Kathy doesn't want to see us together, and I will listen to her, like she listens to me. Me and my rambling and drama." Meredith concluded with a loud sob. Derek's heart was hurting, breaking as he stood there and listened to her. Listened to the person he planned on spending the rest of his life with.

"But I _have _found the right person." Derek said as he took a step toward Meredith and another, before he reached out and wiped another tear from her eye. "You. I want to spend the rest of my life with _you, _Meredith. I will never feel how I feel right now looking into your eyes. Even though they seem empty, they give me hope. Hope that you will come to your senses. You don't need Kathy if she is going to treat you like that. You will have me, you don't need her." He repeated as he took another step to close the space between them. He was just inches away from her mouth. Her shaky breath was leaving a cloud of hot steam in the cold, crisp air. Derek's breath was hot to her face. She leaned in a little bit as she directed her lips toward his. His lips parted slightly as he leant down, closer to hers. Their breaths danced together as tears streamed from their lightly closed eyes. Their lips a millimetre away from touching, Meredith stopped, before she moved back. One step, then two.

"Derek, I can't. It's not right. I made a promise to Kathy." Meredith explained as she took her third step backwards. He was intoxicating her, and she knew that a kiss wouldn't just stop at a kiss. "I have to go." She said as she turned on her heal and headed to the back door.

"Meredith." Derek called to her just before she entered the house. "Don't forget that I will always love you, even with my shattered heart."

**A/N: I hated writing this chapter, but it had to be done. I don't know what I think of it, but I hope that you like it, even though reading my much loved reviews, I dont think anyone will enjoy my road I've taken in this chpater. Just think of it as a small obsticle. It'll b alright, It's MerDer we're talking about here. We all know that they live happily ever after. Sometimes it just takes a bit to get there is all. And dont forget, I LOVE REVIEWS!! Love to all my fans xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	12. I Don't Want The Next Best Thing

**A/N: I do have a (kinda) good excuse for this horribly long awaited update. It is my longest chapter yet and I have already started the next update...but i am not sure when that will be up. Sorry in advance... :- I think I have the busiest wekend ever known to man...so...whatever...without further ado, i grant you the next update. I hope you like it. I don't know what I think of it...but maybe you could help me out by LEAVING REVIEWS...xD Love to all my fans xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Meredith got up at 6:00am the following morning. She had been awake for at least two-and-a-half hours already and she had to get up in half an hour anyway, so she went to have a shower, trying to wash the guilt that was stained all over her. She knew that she had made the wrong decision. She could feel it in her heart and in her body. She should have chosen Derek. He was right last night. If Kathy was going to treat her like that then she didn't need her as a friend. She needed Derek. She needed her strength and protection. Her inspiration and her love. She didn't need a friend who knew her so well, and yet chose to break her because of a 'decision'. But what if Derek didn't forgive her? What if he had already fallen out of love with her? She would be left without Kathy or Derek. She couldn't go back. Mistakes were there to be learned from. The water turned chilling cold by the time she turned it off and wrapped the towel around her body. She wiped the steam from the mirror. All she saw were two empty, grey-coloured eyes staring back at her. She had black bags under her eyes and she knew that no amount of makeup could fix what she looked like today. She pulled the first things she saw from her closet and pulled it on. Sweat pants and a stained top. She didn't care. She grabbed her bag and her iPod and ran down the stairs she walked to school, music loudly blasting her ears. Every song that came on reminded her of Derek.

"_I hope you don't mind if I fall asleep on your shoulder, now, turn out the lights and let the night begin, I hope it's alright if you're still mine when we're older, cause I won't spend another day wondering what might have been" _she sang softly as Kate Voegele's 'Might have been' blared through the small speakers. Small tears began to trickle down her soft face as she thought about Derek. She wished he was there, comforting her, holding her and whispering sweet nothings into her ear as she fell into a deep, forgetful slumber. It scared her how much she loved him, but she couldn't be sure what he thought of her stupid ideas and thoughts yesterday.

She reached the school steps and sat at the bottom. There was still thirty-five minutes until the doors would be open and she didn't want to go any further up the steps. If she did she would have been reminded of her first second-guessing of Derek's feelings toward her. "_you always thought that I was stronger, I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start." _Meredith began to sing to herself again. She felt a warm tear grace her cheek with it's presence. Soon enough Meredith would have no tears left to cry, and that would prevent her from breaking down at school. She let the tears run free, filling her eyes, living down her cheeks before dying on her lips. The very lips that Derek's mouth had touched, over and over again. The very lips that had been swollen from Derek's amazing attention. She watched as people scattered there way up the stairs after being dropped off early by their parents. Her crying had eased to an occasional quiet sob and she had shut off her iPod before any more songs could come on to remind her of Derek. In her heart she knew that Derek was more than a summer fling or a teen sex romp. Derek could have been the real thing. The happily-ever-after, Cinderella and Prince Charming, White Wedding, Golden Anniversary thing. But now it was gone. She had lost it all. Sure, she had Kathy back, but if Kathy was going to treat her like that, then did she need a friend like her?

Seven minutes later, Christina arrived at school. She was ecstatic to see Meredith (probably to hear about her and Derek).

"Hey hey lover girl." She said happily as she bounced toward Meredith like a child with ADHD. Meredith looked up. She didn't say anything. The look on Christina's face when she saw her friends empty, puffy eyes and blank saddened face was enough to send Meredith hurtling towards another fit of hysterical tears.

"Oh…oh oh oh. This is not good. What happened?" Christina asked getting serious all of a sudden.

"I…We…Kathy…Hurt…Love…Derek..." Meredith couldn't put her words together. Her silent cry was making Christina hurt inside. And for Christina to hurt inside must have meant something was desperately wrong.

"shh. Shh shh shh." She tried to calm her hysterical friend. She took Meredith in for a (not so) awkward embrace which only made Meredith cry harder. Minutes went past and Meredith was turning blue from a lack of oxygen and air. To be at school was the last thing she needed. Meredith needed one of two things. She needed to go away to some hopelessly romantic place (ugh) and fall in love with a charming Frenchman or Italian, or get back with Derek. Christina could tell, she could see from her friend's empty gaze that Meredith was never going to be the same again without Derek in her life. She loved the old Meredith. The old Meredith was fun and her smile with her full, emerald green crystals inside her eyes could light up a room. Today Christina couldn't see how they could light up a dark underground cave. Although Christina pretended to be hardcore, Meredith always knew she had a soft side – but she was sworn to secrecy after it had been discovered. A few moments later the Principal Hardy came toward her school in a pinstripe suit and Manolo heels. Her gaze shifted through the scattered students before her eyes fixed onto Meredith. She hurried over the troubled student and placed her briefcase on the steps next to her.

"What seems to be the matter?" she asked caringly as she kneeled in front of Meredith and looked in Christina's direction.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you." Christina said half serious. Principal Hardy gave Christina a disapproved look before turning her attention back to Meredith.

"What's wrong?" she asked again, this time directly to Meredith. Meredith sniffed loudly and wiped away the tears with the sleeve of her blazer.

"Nothing, Miss." She said as she stood up shakily and walked toward the entrance that had been opened upon the principal's arrival. Christina held her friend for support as they headed up the stairs and in through the main doors. They walked to where they normally sit and sat facing each other. Soon after Kathy arrived, which meant Derek was now at school, and that she would have to face Kathy. Meredith didn't know whether she would be able to face seeing Derek again. He would probably have a different cheerleader hanging off him, whispering things into his ear while he through his head back and laughed so fakely that it always made Meredith smile with humour. If she thought about Derek for one more millisecond tears were going to prick the corner of her eyes.

"Hey girls." Kathy said cheerfully as she graced to the empty spot next to Christina. Christina looked at Kathy and then at Meredith, and could tell that her sadness had something to do with Kathy.

"Hi." Christina mumbled before turning away from her and looking toward Meredith for any signs of…well…anything.

"Meredith…will you come to the bathroom with me?" Christina asked, giving Kathy a cold hint and standing up to leave. Meredith stood and followed Christina, not looking up or saying anything. Christina walked into the freshly cleaned toilets and locked the door behind her.

"Christina! You can't do that." Meredith said flatly.

"Sure I can…just did actually." Meredith couldn't help but smile. She knew her friend was trying to help, and she was grateful for that.

"Okay. Spill." Christina ordered. Meredith's face turned into a saddened frown again as she thought about her and Derek and Kathy.

"Okay." Meredith said sadly. "Here goes nothing." She took a deep breath in and "Kathy-told-me-that-if-we-wanted- to-stay-friends-then-I-had-to-dump-Derek-and-pretend-he-didn't-exist-to-me.-I-told- her-that-I-would-if-it-really-meant-that-much-to-her,-but-now-I-realise-what-a-mistake-I-made." Meredith said as she tried to breathe normally again and Christina's mouth hung open in shock.

"That…that BITCH!" Christina said, obviously infuriated that Kathy would do that to her person.

"I know it was a big mistake. Huge. But now I am scared that I will lose Kathy as well as Derek. He wont even look at me." Meredith said as she broke down in tears and fell to the floor. She couldn't support herself any more. Christina looked at her best friend. She was devastated. She winced as she tried to imagine the pain that her person was going through.

"Meredith. Listen to me. Look at me." Christina said calmly as she sat down with her friend. Meredith looked up reluctantly and listened to every word that left Christina's mouth so intently that she could swear her ears were burning. "You don't need a friend like Kathy if she is going to treat you like that. Secondly Derek probably can't look at you because it hurts too much to know that he can't hold you anymore. That he can't kiss you anymore. He probably thinks that he meant nothing to you. That you were just another random." Christina finished. She always knew what to say to make Meredith feel better, but she couldn't help but think about what Christina had just said. Maybe Derek wasn't just over her like that. Maybe she hadn't lost him forever. "I cannot _believe _that bitch would do that to you. Why did you listen to her in the first place? It's like she has never met you before. Like she doesn't know the first thing about you. She is just jealous that you are getting some. She wishes she could get some." Christina said furiously.

"I was worried that you would hate me too." Meredith said flatly.

"What? Why would I ever choose her over you? I only pretend to like her…for you. I actually _do_ love you." she said with a half genuine smile. Meredith smiled at her best friend and wiped the remaining tears from her delicate face.

"So, what are you going to do?" Christina asked her as she stood up and helped Meredith to her more steady feet. Meredith looked at her friend and gave her a knowing look.

"If I told you I'd have to kill you." she said with a smile as the two of them walked out of the bathroom.

"I'm willing to take that chance." Christina laughed, almost ecstatic to have her old best friend back.


	13. Please Remember Our Time Together

**A/N: Okay. Well. Because I love my fans so much, and I don't know when I am going to be able to update again, I have decided to post the next chapter in the same night. You should feel special, because this is like...a one off chance of about a megabillion...so whatever...i am not a huge fan of this chapter...but it links what I have in mind for my next chapters...so...yeah...xD i will promise to update asap...and please review. REVIEWS AMY INSPIRATION (along with that great new season 5 pic sigh LOL Love to all my wonderful, amazing and loyal fans. Thank you guys so much!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"In that case," Meredith said as they began to walk to their first class. "I am going to tell Kathy exactly what she needs to hear, and then I am going to find Derek and hope against all logic that he will forgive me and my stupidness." Meredith said as they entered the classroom.

"Well, as long as I am there to see the look on Kathy's face when you tell her exactly what she needs to hear, then it sounds like a plan." Christina said quietly as they split. Meredith nodded at her best friend. She couldn't have got a better friend if she had asked for her. Meredith went from almost suicidal this morning to smiling and almost laughing in the space of about thirty minutes. And for that she had Christina to thank. Christina 'air-mailed' a note to Meredith during class.

_And I better be getting all the juicy merder make-up deets._

_Love Chris xxx_

Meredith was confused.

_Merder?!_ She 'air-mailed' back.

_Yeah, Meredith and Derek - MerDer...you know? Like Brangelina...and Tomkat?! _

_Geez! You are soooooo original. LOL._

_I know…but Mer, seriously?! Leave the sarcastic comments to me, please?!_

_Whatever…xxx_

Meredith sat through the rest of class occasionally looking sideways at Christina and smiling, but also trying to think up what she was going to say to both Kathy and Derek. The next two hours were pretty much a blur to Meredith, but once lunchtime came, she could remember every breath she took and every step she moved.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

"Kathy, I think we need to talk." Meredith said as she approached their usual table.

"Sure, what's up?" Kathy asked. She either knew everything that was going on, or was completely clueless and ignorant. Meredith's guess was the second option, but whatever.

"Well, can we go –" Meredith was cut off.

"Meredith? Can we please talk?" Meredith's heart started beating faster. Suddenly, her breaths became short and unsteady. Was he really standing right behind her? Was he really asking her to _talk _with him? Meredith could have sworn she was imagining it, but as soon as she turned to face him, his piercing blue eyes assured her that he was there.

"Derek?" she asked, just to be sure.

"Yeah…" he replied, a little confused.

"Umm…," Meredith started, trying to remember what he had just asked her. "Sure." She said as she started to walk away from the table and the icy-cold glares that Kathy was boring into her.

"Uh. Okay. Thanks. I guess." He said uneasily, as he followed her out of the central cafeteria.

Once they reached the quiet hall, Meredith's pace slowed as she began to walk aling side Derek, giving him an occasional sideways glance to make sure that he did look as hot as she thought.

"So. What's up?" she asked coolly as if they were just old friends, even though it tore her into two inside.

"Meredith," Derek started seriously. Meredith gulped. She knew this was going to be a painful conversation, but she also knew that it would have to happen sometime soon. And that Derek would be the one she would want to have it with if she had to choose. "We really need to talk. Privately." Meredith looked around the deserted hallway. "I mean, even more deserted than this. You never know who is going to be listening just around the corner." Meredith understood and nodded. He took her hand, which unfortunately sent electric volts through both of their bodies. He led her out to the sport shed where he had told her he had loved her and where he had given her a kiss that made both of them utterly breathless (and apparently hot for each other more than they ever thought possible.)

"Okay. So what did you wanna talk about?" Meredith asked as she shrugged, trying to hold back unclassified tears.

"Meredith," Derek said in his serious, but loving, tone. "I need you to be serious. Please? At least for this." Derek pleaded.

"Okay."

"Meredith," he said again. If he didn't stop saying it in his rough, deep voice that he used when he said her name, she was going to jump him pretty damn soon. "I know that most of the time, this is what girls would say about this kinda thing. But I hurt. Here." he said as he got her hand and placed it over his rapidly beating heart. Meredith drew in a large breath as her skin tingled from his touch again. "I can barely walk more than ten steps without having to steady myself. I have never hurt this badly in my life. I want to be able to forgive you. I do. I need to be able to forgive you. But the thing is, I don't know if I can. Meredith felt tears begin to trickle down her pale face. She tried to blink them back, but there were too many of them. She knew that this was the response that was most likely, but when he put it in words, it felt like someone had ripped out her heart and served it on a platter. "Please. Please don't cry. This is hard enough for me as it is. I can't just stand here and watch you when cry. It causes me too much pain to just have to stand here and not do anything to try and stop it. I can't wipe the tears away and I can't take you into a comforting embrace." Derek turned away from her. He knew he had said too much, and he couldn't watch one more tear leave her eyes.

"Why not?" Meredith asked as she leant against the shed for support.

"I just…I can't." Derek said solemly as he started to walk away.

"Derek. Please? I love you. I will always love you, even with all the pieces of my shattered heart." He paused when he heard her say this last part. He felt a tear leave his eye, then another and another. "Please! Please can't we just go back to the way things were before?" she begged as she ran out toward him. He turned around so as she could see the pain in his eyes, and the fresh tear stains on his cheeks.

"I don't know how to go back." He replied as he turned and left her there. She watched as he walked through the back gate toward his car. She watched as it sped off into the distance and then began to break down and cry. Now she had lost Derek. She had truly and completely lost her soul-mate. The love of her life. She didn't care that she was only 17; she knew that Derek was supposed to be the one. That is, until she made the stupid mistake of hurting him. Of listening to the person that she believed knew what was best for her. And what she had decided was that Derek was not for her. Christina came out of the school looking for Meredith a while after.

"Meredith! Meredith?" she called, obviously worried.

"Christina." Meredith cried out so as she could just be heard. Christina followed the direction of the voice and spotted a pained and hurt Meredith. This was _not _what she had expected.

"Meredith!" Christina said as she saw the stained tears on Meredith's cheeks. "What happened?" she asked, devastated that the old Meredith, the Meredith from this morning, was back again, and in full swing.

"He doesn't know how to go back."


	14. You Make Me Love You

**A/N: Hey Guys! Sorry about the delayed update. I have been really unwell the last couple of days, so that is why you havent had an update. This chapter is...okay in my opinion. I am going to try to get the next chapter up today or tomorrow, but I cant promise anything. I hope you like this chapter, and please review, whether it's criticism or praise. Just let me know what you think. Love to all my fans, and thank you for your on-going support! xxxxxxxxxx**

Meredith cried for over an hour. She told Christina to go back to class, but she refused to. When Meredith got home and Christina had left for the night, she went downstairs into the kitchen where she found a note from her mother.

_-Meredith, I have to work a double shift tonight. There is some left over grilled cheese in the fridge for your dinner. I will talk to you tomorrow. I love you. Love, Mum._

'Well that makes one person.' Meredith thought. She opened the fridge and the grilled cheese stared back at her, like it was judging her too. She stood there and stared back at it until she decided that it wasn't going to say anything to her. She shut the door and trudged up to her room. She had a theory that she was no longer crying because she had already used all the tears that she had been given to last her this lifetime. But as she thought about it more, she realised that she was just numb. To everything. To sense and smell, touch and taste, and pain. She could no longer feel pain. After writing up a 'pros and cons' list, she decided that this was probably better. For her to not feel anything must have meant that she didn't care anymore, that she was already getting over Derek. She gulped. She hadn't thought about him in almost an hour, and just the thought of his piercing blue eyes and cocky, McDreamy smile made her realise that she was, in fact, far from numb. Meredith couldn't help but continue to ramble on and on in her head. She realised it was probably because there was no one to shut her up, to tell her that she was rambling, but this meant that she could figure out all her problems through the 'Meredith art of rambling', as Christina had called it one day. Once the pain had come and hit her in the chest at full power, Meredith decided she needed some help to 'numb'. She needed the key to her Mum's liquor cabinet. More importantly, the liquor inside the cabinet. As she pulled open the sleek doors, she rummaged through her selection. Scotch, vodka, or tequila. She smelt the three options. When she had decided that she couldn't tell, she took a sip of them all. First, one of scotch. Then one of vodka. And then one of tequila. And another and another. It would seem as though Meredith liked the tequila. Straight. It was crisp, refreshing, but most of all it soon put a stop to her pain all together as she drifted into a deep and restful sleep (she could have been passed-out, maybe.), with the bottle of tequila still close to her.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

_Thump! Thump! Thump! _Meredith woke to a pounding in her head. And it was NOT comfortable. Actually, far from it. As she slowly started to crack one eye open, the intensity of the light shook Meredith into ouch! mode. She groaned and held her head until she felt her stomach lurch, and she was up. She bolted to the bathroom and lent over the bowl as she contents of last night (Tequila, Tequila and Tequila) splashed into the bowl.

"I am never drinking again." Meredith swore to herself as she reached her head into the bowl once more.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

After another horrible day at school and a thumping head, Meredith finally entered the house and smelt the aromas of her dinner float through the air. She was guessing it was stir-fry, because of all the warm and spicy smells that wafted through the house.

"Mum? I'm home." Meredith called as she ran up the stairs to throw her stuff in her room and hide the tequila bottle. But she couldn't find it. It wasn't on the floor or her bed or even under the messy covers and blankets. She shrugged and decided to find it later. She went downstairs and entered the kitchen, giving her mother a kiss on her cheek.

"Meredith, what's that smell?" Ellis asked calmly.

"Smell! What smell?" Meredith said as if she couldn't smell anything.

"The smell of tequila radiating through your skin into the air around you." Meredith's mouth hung open. Ellis was holding up the bottle of tequila. The empty bottle. The bottle that was full yesterday and safely stored in the cupboard for rough-times-sake.

"Whe…where did you get that?" Meredith finally replied.

"It was in your blankets, and when I went upstairs to make your bed I found it. Would you like to explain?" Ellis asked, still staying completely calm. Meredith broke down crying in her mum's arms. "Meredith? What's wrong? What's happening?" Ellis asked as she stroked her daughter's hair.

"Derek and I broke up. I mean…I broke up with Derek. And now he won't even look at me. He said he doesn't know how to go back." Meredith cried.

"Meredith. Why did you break up with Derek?" Ellis asked softly.

"Kathy told me that if we wanted to stay friends I had to break up with Derek."

"And you did." Ellis stated as pieces of the puzzle fell into place. "If your friends don't accept your choices, then I don't think you should be friends with them in the first place."

"I realise what a huge mistake I made now, but I can't go back. Not when he doesn't know how to go back. Not when he can't even look at me without feeling nauseous." Ellis and Meredith sat in the kitchen for twenty or so minutes, just sitting in each others company until Ellis's pager blared into the silence.

"Meredith, it's a 911…I have to go. I am so sorry, but I will try to take the day off tomorrow. I think you and I should stay home tomorrow." Elis said as she grabbed her bag and keys off the counter and kissed Meredith's cheek, before walking out the front door.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

As the night went on, Meredith felt more and more alone. The alcohol cabinet was too tempting, and she gave in. To her surprise, there was a fresh bottle of tequila awaiting her. She reached out and placed her hand around then neck of the bottle. Quickly undoing the cap she smiled to herself as the liquid burnt down her throat. As she took another gulp, she smiled to herself. It was already working. Several gulps later Meredith could barely stand up. The whole room had started to spin around her and she felt like there was no one else in the world. A knock at the door startled Meredith from her drunk daze and she got up and stumbled to the front door. She gasped as she saw who was standing there. Derek.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith slurred as she grabbed hold of the door to support herself.

"Are you drunk?" Derek asked, concerned.

"It would seem so." She replied with a slight smile.

"Meredith!" Derek said in a warning tone. "Why are you drunk?"

"Come inside Derek." She smiled at him before leaving the door open and heading back toward the kitchen. Derek followed reluctantly and saw Meredith take another swig of tequila.

"Tequila? Meredith?"

"It is great, it really is. it can solve _all _your problems." She said as she walked around to the same side of the bench as Derek. "So what are you doing here?" she bit her bottom lip seductively as she stared straight into his fierce blue eyes.

"I came here to talk to you, actually. But there isn't much point of that now is there?"

"Why? Why not?" she asked, slightly confusing herself.

"Why not: because you wont remember anything." Derek started.

"Good point." She said as she took a step closer to Derek, bringing there lips mere millimetres away. He stood there for a few moments before turning away.

"Meredith. You're drunk." He said seriously, his back still facing her.

"And…?" she said, slightly confused.

"I can't do this. Not now. Not after what you did to me."

"Do what?"

"Damn it Meredith!" Derek said, upset. "You have to play stupid school girl all the time don't you? you know _exactly _what I mean. You are just a stupid little girl!" Derek yelled at her.

"Derek! _I love you!_ I love you so much. I have never drunk before in my entire life, and here I am, drunk for the second night. I have tried to numb the pain in my chest. Tequila works well, but it doesn't last forever. I know that I hurt you. I know that my pain is all my fault. But Derek I love you. In a really big, pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you." Meredith said as a sole tear turned into more tears, staining her flushed face. Derek turned around to face Meredith.

"You don't mean that." he said as he moved forward, closing the space between their bodies. Their lips were millimetres apart for the second time that night. Their hot breaths danced together.

"Yes, I do." Meredith whispered to his lips. She leaned in to close the gap between their lips.


	15. You're Yes Then You're No

**A/N: Here's the next update. Please Please Please review!? Love to my fans xxxxxxxxxxx**

Within seconds the kiss had intensified beyond imagination. Derek ran his hands up and down Meredith's back. She placed her hands securely on his chest, before pulling back a little and biting seductively on his lip, emitting a small groan from him. She moved her hands up to the curls at the nape of his neck, bringing him even closer to her. Meredith could feel pressure on her lower stomach. Derek wanted her so badly it was driving him insane. He knew it was wrong; that it was too soon, but he had completely lost control of his body. Before he knew it, they were upstairs, naked and grinding against each other. As their bodies became one, they both took a deep breath before exploding into each other. Several breathless moments later, they lay there, their bodies intertwined in a sweaty, exhausted heap. Soon after Derek was sure Meredith had fallen asleep.

"I still love you." he whispered, before closing his eyes and drifting off into a much needed sleep. Meredith smiled to herself. He _did _still love her. She rolled over to face him, placing her arms around him, willing never to let go. Soon she fell asleep too.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

The following morning Meredith woke with a thumping head again. She couldn't remember much from last night. She tried to remember the events that led Derek to be in her bed naked. It was obvious what they had done, and she wondered whether he had forgiven her. Derek opened his eyes a few moments later and sat up, slightly disorientated.

"Hi." Meredith smiled sweetly at him. He ran his hands through his messy hair stressfully. What had happened last night? Not even he could remember much, except the most amazing sex he had ever experienced.

"Meredith. What happened last night?"

"You don't remember?" she asked sadly. He shook his head.

"Not really."

"Neither." They obviously hadn't got back together. Her head had started spinning, and before she knew it, she was bolting for the bathroom with one hand covering her mouth. Derek got up and quickly ran after her to the bathroom. He knelt down beside her and held her hair back from her face. Then he remembered. He had come over and she was drunk. They had a little fight and then they were having explosive make-up sex. But it wasn't make-up sex. They weren't back together. It was a lapse of judgement. He stood up and took a few steps backward. Meredith looked up at him, concerned.

"I…We…They…Me…" Derek started.

"Derek!?" Meredith half started, half questioned, before leaning her head into the bowl again.

"I can't be here. I shouldn't have even come here last night. I can't believe I did. Oh my god." Derek said as he took another step backward.

"What do you mean? You can't be angry at me for your mistakes. For your lapses in judgement." Then Meredith remembered something he had said to her last night.

"No. You're right. I can't be angry at you for my mistakes. But I can be angry at you for your mistakes. You broke me. You broke me and then you told me you loved me. It makes me wonder how much those words mean to you."

"And you told me that you still loved me." Meredith said; glad to have something to say to him. Derek blushed a little as he remembered what he had told her when he thought she was asleep.

"You heard that?" Meredith nodded.

"I did. Tell me Derek, how much do those words mean to _you_? You don't usually say them unless you _mean _them."

"And neither do you."

"I don't. Do you know how hard it was for me to say those words to you the first time? I have never told any boy before. Ever. And there I was, telling you that I loved you and that I needed you, and now, even after I have apologized so many times, you won't forgive me. You don't look at me the same. All the love and understanding isn't in your eyes anymore. I understand that I hurt you, but what about me. I hurt _me_ too. I understand that it is probably karma, but I truly mean what I said about being sorry and loving you, and I hope you meant what you said last night, because that is the one tiny shred of hope that I have left for us, and for me." Meredith said as she stood up and took a few steps toward him warily. To her surprise, he didn't move back, but instead just stared straight into her eyes.

"I can't look at you the same because I don't know how to. I don't know how to trust you or love you or understand you anymore."

"Derek! Cut the bullshit! I love you. I know that you love me because I know that you don't say those words unless you mean them, and even though you thought I was asleep, you still said them." She took another step toward him. "You don't look at me the same because you try not to, not because you can't. And I know that you understand me, because you can't fake that sort of understanding." Meredith said as she closed any gaps left between them. Derek leaned forward and pressed his lips hungrily on to hers. She was too shocked to kiss back in the beginning, but soon their lips were moving together, their tongues clashing forcefully. Derek held her to support her body as her knees turned to jelly. His tongue smoothed over the top of her mouth, eliciting a small moan from her lips, making him need her. He moved her backwards, pushing her against the wall. She wrapped her legs around him and lifted her head up, allowing him access to her neck. Suddenly, he pulled away and removed Meredith from his grasp.

"I can't. Not again." He said as he took a step backward. "I'm Sorry." Meredith looked at him confused. "Don't look at me like that, please?" he turned his back toward her and ran his hands through his hair, before turning back around to face her again.

"I really do love you, you know?" she said as she looked at him worriedly.

"Don't do this. Not now!" Derek turned his back to her again. He let out a frustrated sigh before walking out of the bathroom. Meredith ran after him, calling his name, but several moments later she heard the door shut, and she knew she had lost him. Possibly forever.


	16. Tequila Is A Girl's Best Friend

**A/N: So, Firstly, Thank you so much to all the amazingly great and inspirational reviews that I have had lately...They really help me to get writing in such a bad time (No MerDer together...It is so hard to write...but the reviews keep me going. I must admit, this story wasnt supposed to be as dramatic as this, but that is how it has turned out, so I hope you are still reading and enjoying it... **

**Anyways...I don't understand why...at all...but i enjoyed writing this chapter...I hope you like it. Don't worry...we all know that they are MEREDITH.AND.DEREK!! meaning that they always end up together in the end. (Just a bit of inspiration for my saddenned readers.) Please Please Please review. They are my inspiration and my hope. The more reviews, (normally) the better the update!! P Next chapter is the date. Don't be too sad. Something kinda twisted happens. I am not saying anything else!! xD Love to all me readers!! and I repeat, Please REVIEW!! xxxxxxxxxx**

Meredith suddenly ran out of her house to chase Derek down the street in no more that one of his old t-shirts. But by the time she got outside, he was speeding off into the distance. She sat on the kerb and cried. She had lost him.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

Derek stormed into his house furiously.

"Kathy!" he yelled, anger boiling in his blood. "Katherine Mary Shepherd!" he yelled again, this time even louder. She came out of the living area timidly. She knew that she had done something bad. He had never spoken to her like that before.

"Yes?" She replied nervously.

"What have you done?" he yelled at her, just inches from her face. "You are such an attention seeker. If the universe didn't revolve around you the entire time, I think you would die of…of…of…" Derek tried to think of something, but broke down in tears instead. "I love her. I love her so much. And now, because of you, we can never be together." Derek said as he took a few steps back and leant on the table for support. He angrily swiped the tears away before running upstairs and slamming the his bedroom door shut. Kathy started crying too. She had never seen her brother so broken. So hurt. She went upstairs and knocked on his door.

"Derek?" she said quietly as she pushed the door open.

"Go Away." He said flatly, not caring what she had to say anymore.

"Derek, I am so sorry." She tried.

"No I am the one who should be sorry." Derek started. "Sorry that you have just lost your best friend and your brother over a bit of princess jealousy." Kathy turned on her feet and ran out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

A few weeks later Meredith and Derek hadn't spoken one word to each other. Meredith was skipping school every chance she got and the only two people she spoke to was her mum and Christina. And occasionally Izzie. Christina had come over earlier on that cool Sunday morning and told her some heart shattering news. Derek had a new girlfriend. Rose. The new girl. The cheerleader. She was even bubblier than Izzie. And a senior, like Derek. But the worst news out of all of this was that apparently she was in love with him, or so Christina heard as it slipped out of her mouth and into any surrounding eavesdropping ears. She hadn't meant to tell Meredith, but it had slipped out, forcing her into tears full of pain. She hadn't got over Derek in the slightest of ways. And she was failing junior year for skipping. But it didn't matter anymore. Derek had got over her, and she couldn't stand letting any one of her amazing memories of him go. She had become dependent on tequila, and her mum would sometimes sit and drink it with her. She understood what her daughter was going through, and had allowed her occasional drink, but didn't get mad when she found the empty bottle next to her bed the next night. She wasn't drinking for courage or bravery or fun. She was drinking to forget. She needed to forget the pain in her chest was there every minute of every day. And tequila was her best friend for that. Meredith had asked her mum several times if they could move away, but Ellis always told Meredith that she couldn't get a job as good as the one that she had at Seattle Grace Hospital and she had worked her whole life to get it, so Meredith didn't push it. She understood that Ellis would pack up and move straight away if it meant she could get the same job on the other side of the country, or even just a different area. Away from her daughters soul mate and away from the ex-best-friend that had made Meredith's life a living hell the past few weeks. But fate had different plans for her. And fate's plan was called Finn. Finn was new to school. He arrived a week after, gulp, Rose. Meredith had only seen him a handful of times because of her irregular attendance, but she would catch him looking at her intently, as if studying her every curve and bone.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

The following day was no different from the other days that she chose to attend. Meredith's teacher's gave her a round of applause for showing up on that day and asked her if she wouldn't rather be somewhere else. To which she always answered 'of course, but then I would be drunk already.' This always seemed to shut them up, and to this, Meredith was grateful. She couldn't stand her teachers harping on and on at her about her poor attendance when her headache was so persistent already. As she stepped into English, their eyes locked before he looked away, leaving Meredith to ask the question. Well, really it was probably the left over alcohol in her system, but anyhow.

"Hey, It's Finn, right?" Meredith asked as she approached the desk he was sitting at. He gulped before nodding and looking up to meet her empty eyes. "Well, I just wanted to come over and say hi." She said with a slight smile, which was, of course, fake, but he didn't know that.

"H…hi." He stuttered.

"So how you been?" she asked as if they had been life long friends.

"Umm…fi…fine I guess." He said not losing her glance once. He sounded like a blabbering idiot, and Meredith thought it was amusing, so she continued.

"So, do you always talk like this?" she asked, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Umm…N…No." he said as his cheeks turned a deep red colour.

"Okay then. Well, it was nice to meet the person that continuously stares at me." she said as he sunk into his chair even further. He just nodded and she turned toward her seat to find Christina almost on the floor laughing.

"Well that was fun." Meredith said as she took a seat and the teacher walked in.

"Oh, you have no idea." Christina said as she held her stomach in pain. "He was soooooooo embarrassed. Did you see him? Oh my god." Christina said, still laughing.

"Yes. I did. It was kinda amusing." Meredith shrugged.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. You're still in a deep state of grieving." Christina said. Meredith turned and stared at Christina, sadness filling her eyes. "Sorry."

"No. no it's ok. I am going to move on, if it takes every once of strength I will ever have. I will move on." She said determined as she turned her attention to the teacher.

"Sure." Christina muttered as she rolled her eyes. She tried to see the sarcasm in every situation, and Meredith was thankful for it, most of the time. After class Meredith, Christina and Finn were the only ones left in the classroom. Christina was sharing something funny that she had missed one of the days she had chosen not to show up. Meredith smiled politely at Christina as she gathered her stuff up.

"Umm, Meredith, is it?" Finn asked suddenly.

"Yeah?" Meredith said flatly.

"I was wondering if…well…if you wanted to…umm…" Finn tried. Meredith looked toward Christina who thought this was the most amusing thing in the world.

"I'm gonna leave you and stutter boy alone." Christina said as she brushed past Finn and exited the class. She turned back and mouthed 'have fun' before winking and leaving Meredith's sight.

"What did you wanna ask me?" Meredith asked, trying to get to the point.

"I was wondering if you were, you know, busy this Saturday." He said quickly.

"Umm, I don't know. I will have to check my tequila schedule. How about I get back to you?" she asked. Finn looked disappointed, but nodded.

"Okay."

"Great." Meredith said as she walked past him and towards her locker, before heading toward their (now Kathy-less) lunch table. Kathy had been kicked out the following week, and now sat by herself, well, somewhere. No one really knew where. The following day Meredith told Finn that she was available for Saturday, and went to school every day that week. Having someone else interested in her made her feel worthy again. Sort of.


	17. Why Do You Put Me On A Pedestal?

**A/N: So, I had a little fun writing this chapter. I hope you will enjoy reading it. And please please please review!? Love to all my readers!! xxxxxxxxxxxx**

It was Saturday evening and Izzie had come over to help Meredith get ready for her 'big date,' as it was called all week. She didn't get what the big deal was, but she was happy that her friends were being supportive. Finn had told her to dress up for their date, but had still failed to tell her where they were going. Meredith had an amazing little black dress that clung to her body in all the right places. It fell just above the knees and had a deep neckline, showing quite a lot of cleavage. Finn was picking her up at 6:30, and it was 6 now. Meredith still had her hair and makeup to do. Lucky for her, Izzie was there.

"Just go easy on it Iz." Meredith warned her as she started attacking her face with all types of moisturises and products.

"Yeah, yeah." She said as she reached into her bag and pulled out her knew Revlon foundation. Izzie never went heavy on makeup anyway. But she was naturally beautiful. Most of the girls at school hated her because of her flawless complexion and perfect features. Meredith wasn't jealous of Izzie, but sometimes she did wish that she looked more like her. Meredith's features were beautiful too, but they weren't bold and prominent like hers. At 6:25 the doorbell rang.

"He's early?" Meredith cried.

"He must really like you." Izzie laughed as she applied the final touches of Meredith's natural look.

"Okay. Whatever. Enough makeup Iz. Please?"

"Okay. Just this little bit here. Come on. You never know who you might see when you're there. Plus this guy obviously likes you. A lot. So why not go all out?" she finally finished and sent Meredith on her way.

"Thanks Iz." She smiled before disappearing. She opened the door to Finn in a tuxedo, but no tie and the top few buttons of his shirt had been left open.

"Hi." Meredith said with a half smile. "Sorry. I wasn't completely ready yet."

"Hi. Oh, no problem. Really. Don't worry about it." Finn said nervously.

"Shall we?" Meredith said as she linked him.

"Lets go. I have dinner reservations for seven, and it takes half an hour to get there." He told her as they began down the driveway to his car.

"Wont you just tell me where we are going? Please?" Meredith begged as she pouted her bottom lip a little and gave him the puppy dog eyes that worked so well usually.

"Nope."

"Okay. But I must admit. I do like a guy that can keep secrets." She smiled at him as his cheeks turned a dark shade of pink.

.SGH.SGH.SGH.

Thirty minutes later they had arrived at the restaurant. Stewarts. It was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. And quite expensive too. She couldn't stop herself wishing that she and Derek had had a date. Just one. But she quickly pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, along with the threatening tears. Tonight was about her and Finn. Not her and Derek. They stepped inside the welcoming restaurant and were seated almost in the middle of the restaurant. Finn reached across and held her hand.

"I don't think I have told you how amazing you look tonight." He whispered to her. Meredith smiled thankfully at him, but as she did she caught a glimpse of someone seated almost directly behind Finn. Derek. Derek was sitting with who she was guessing was Rose. It seemed that he had already spotted her, and was staring straight at her, his eyes filled with envy. For the next fifteen or so minutes, Meredith tried to keep her attention on Finn, but the way Derek was giving her and Finn death stares was extremely distracting.

"I need a little air." Meredith smiled fakely at him.

"Sure. Are you okay? Do you want me to come with you?" he asked sweetly.

"No no. I'm fine. I'm just a bit claustrophobic. It's a bit stuffy in here. I'll be back soon." Meredith stood from the table. She could feel the tears pricking the corners of her eyes. She had to get out of there for a while. She needed some air. Something to clear her head. As soon as she got outside she broke down. She sat up against the back wall of the kitchen and put her head in her hands. Several moments later she heard the restaurant door close.

"Meredith?" he called.

"Leave me alone!"

"Meredith?"

"Just leave me alone." She ordered as she came to face him.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"No! I'm not alright. Okay? Are you satisfied? I'm not alright. Because you have a new girlfriend and you don't know how to go back and now you're looking at me. Stop looking at me."

"I am not looking at you. I am _not _looking at you." he repeated. Meredith stood up to face him.

"You are looking at me. And you watch me. And I'm with Finn. And I like Finn. He's perfect for me. And I'm really trying here to be happy. And I can't breathe. I can't breathe with you looking at me like that. So just stop!" she yelled as tears started falling from her eyes again. She turned away from Derek.

"Do you think I wanna look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my new girlfriend? She, she doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about my worst enemy touching her with his hands. Oh man, I would give anything _not _to be looking at you." He concluded. She turned back around to face him. In a movement of blind rage he took two steps toward her and swept her into his arms. He pressed his lips forcefully on to hers, releasing all the anger and all the tension between them with one kiss, then another and another. Derek had her pinned up against the wall, and he was kissing her with all his strength and passion that he had ever felt before in his life. He slipped her panties down and over her heels before entering her quickly. She gasped for air as breaths came in small spaces. He pressed his lips to hers again and this time didn't let them go. They're tongues danced together for long moments after, before Derek pulled away and began to neaten his tie and jacket.

"I had panties on, black. Do you see them?" Meredith asked him, flustered.

"What does this mean?" Derek asked, oblivious to Meredith's previous question.

"Black panties Derek. Do you see them?" Meredith repeated again as she searched the area.

"Meredith, what does this mean?" he asked her again. At that moment they were interrupted by one of the cooks coming out the back for a smoke. It was obvious what they had been doing and he smiled at them before winking and returning to his cigarette. Meredith smoothed over her hair, trying to get rid of some of the frizziness, while Derek smoothed his hands over his before applying some more gel. She wiped under her eyes to remove any smudged makeup.

"I better get going. I'll see you around." she said as she walked back toward the restaurant.

"Meredith." He called out one last time. She turned around as he reached her. "Your tie thing is undone." He pointed to the ribbon that tied up at the back of her dress.

"Oh. Would you mind?" she asked. As his fingers swept around her body, her flesh tingled with goosebumps.

"There we are." He said as he sent her on her way.

"Thanks." She smiled.

"Hey. Sorry about that. I lost track of time." Meredith said as she resumed her seat at the table.

"No problem." Finn smiled at her.

"Where were we?" she asked with a smile.

"Umm, we were deciding what we wanted for our main course and I was asking you about your family and the last guy you dated." Finn said with a smile. "And then you walked out for a while."

"There's not much to tell about my family really. My dad left when I was five to marry another woman and I haven't spoken to him since, and my mother married her boss, Richard. That's about it." Meredith said trying to avoid the relationship question.

"And what about relationships. Because I cant believe that you have never been in a relationship before. You're too good at it." he smiled. Was that supposed to be a complement? She wondered. She gave him a slight smile.

"I've been in and out of relationships. Nothing too serious though." She lied.

"So what's with the tequila drinking habit?" he asked.

"Why do you ask so many questions?" she defended.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just that I wanna know all about you. I really like you Meredith." He said as he took a step back.

"I know. Sorry. I'm just a little uptight. I haven't been with a guy in a few weeks. And I had my heart severely shattered. It's not repaired yet, but I am hoping to get back on my own two feet. It's just that this guy, he is amazing, and I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Not only was he an amazing kisser, but the sex was is always wow." She finished. She realised who she was talking to. Finn was looking at her with a pained expression on his face.

"Was." He corrected her.

"Huh?"

"You said the sex is always wow. It should have been the sex was always wow." He said sadly.

"Oh. Right. Yeah. Sorry." She said, embarrassed.

"You're not a virgin?" he asked with surprise. Also trying to change the subject.

"Pfft! No." Meredith said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You are?" she said in almost disbelief.

"Yeah. Man, I really gotta get used to this lifestyle. Back home it was like, a death sentence if you had sex before marriage." Meredith's eyes were almost bulging out of her head.

"What?" she choked out. "What about if you don't get married before you're like 25!? You would be like…ugh…oh my god." She said, unable to come up with words. "sex is amazing. The stronger you're feelings for the person, generally the better." Meredith smiled as she thought back to the first night her and Derek – no! she couldn't think about that. She would say something stupid again. "But my favourite. Makeup sex. Wow! The intensity." She laughed, thinking about what she had experienced only several minutes ago. Finn looked slightly uncomfortable.

"I think I might have the scotch fillet with parmesan gelato." She said in a desperate bid to change the subject.

"Good choice. I think I might have the same." He smiled. Relief washed over his face, realising that the subject had changed.

"So what do you do for fun?" he asked her.

The night dragged on, and Meredith couldn't help but occasionally stare longingly at Derek, but then force herself to look away when he looked up at her with his amazing blue eyes. Sometimes she would catch him staring at her, pretending not to see her as soon as she looked at him. Maybe he did know how to go back. She had to find out. If she and Derek had a chance, she wasn't going to waste it. It is the love of her life, after all. Soon after dessert, Finn drove Meredith home.

"I had a really great time. Maybe we can do this again sometime." He smiled.

"Maybe." Meredith nodded as she thought about Derek, again.

"Okay. Well, good night." He smiled.

"Night." She leaned in and gave him a kiss on his cheek before unlocking her door and going inside her house. "And thank you." she said just before shutting the door in his face.


	18. Tonight I Will Fall For You Over Again

**A/N: I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY!! I have had a huge, very annoying and irritating case of writer's block. Ugh! But I finally got an idea. I don't really like it, but, hopefully, it will give me somewhere to go in the story. I was extremely STUCK!! but thanks to Vivi (thank you thank you thank you) I was able to get started on a new chapter. I hope you like it and forgive me for leaving you for so long with no new updates. And please please please review. Review's are my inspiration. The more inspiration I get, the faster I can get ideas and therefore, usually faster updates. Loe to my readers that had to wait SO long for an update that I feel extremely guilty for leaving for so long. But what can I say? When you have writers block, you just CANNOT write. And that sucks. Okay. I have finished my little rambling session now. I'll leave you in peace to read the long awaited update. xxxxxxxxx**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's Anatomy I would be in LA write now telling Patrick how to Seduce Ellen on the show for the next episode. Instead I'm sitting on my computer just dreaming of PD (and trying to write my next update for all you love-crazed fans...like me... xD ) What I'm trying to say is I don't own it. Shonda does. Sadly.**

"Christina!" Meredith whispered harshly into the receiver in an attempt to wake up her very asleep best friend. "Wake up!"

"Mer?" Christina said sleepily.

"Yes." She said impatiently. "Can you come over? I need to talk to you."

"What? Now?" she asked as if Meredith was insane. She heard some rustling before Christina's voice came through the handset. "Meredith. It's 3am."

"I know. But I really have to talk to you. Now." She said for clarification.

"Okay. Okay. I'm on my way _now._"

"Thank you." Meredith said as the line went dead.

5 minutes later Christina was barging into Meredith's room.

"What is it?" she asked impatiently. "It better be good." She mumbled to herself.

"Me. Derek. Finn. Rose. Restaurant." Meredith suddenly began to sob.

"Mer. Use your words." Christina grabbed both of Meredith's shoulders in her hands and shook her gently to shake her from her painful thoughts. Meredith took a deep breath in and looked directly into her friend's brown eyes before exhaling calmly.

"Finn took me to Stewarts for our date." She started.

"Oo. The boy does have class."

"Christina!" Meredith glared.

"Sorry. Continue." She said seriously.

"And we got there and took our seats and Finn asked me what I want. You know how it goes? And then something caught my eye as I looked up." Christina's eyes lit up in surprise.

"What?" she asked as if it were a suspense-filled movie or something.

"Derek." She said sadly.

"Oh."

"And he was watching me intensely. You know how he does at school?"

"Yeah. It's really creepy." Christina imputed. "Why did you need me here exactly?"

"I still haven't finished." She said simply, although inside she was screaming, hurting like she had never hurt before.

"Well. By all means, continue." Meredith attempted to blink back the tears as they forced their way to her eyes. "Meredith?" she asked as she watched a tear roll down her cheek.

"We…We…"

"Who?"

"Derek and I." She sobbed.

"I'm gonna kick his ass! What did he do?"

"We had sex."

"Where? Under the table?" Meredith shook her head. "In the bathroom?" She shook her head again. "Where?"

"Outside." Meredith managed. "against the kitchen wall."

"Wait! In the eyes of any passing public?" Christina asked for clarification. Meredith just gulped and nodded. "You and McDreamy did the nasty-nasty. What did he say?"

"He said 'Meredith what does this mean?'"

"Don't you hate that? He's standing there all McGuilty and all he and say is 'Oh Meredith what does this mean?' What does this mean?" she asked suddenly.

"I don't know." Meredith sighed as she hid underneath the covers again. "Oh, Christina. What am I going to do?"

"I think you've already done enough." She smirked.

"Seriously? Seriously! You wanna be that person?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Okay. Sorry. There are a few options here." Meredith nodded to confirm her understanding. "Option one. You can forget it ever happened. Option two. You can confront him about it. And option three. You can ask _him_ what it means."

"How about none?"

"You don't _want_ to forget about it?"

"I do. I really really do. But it's a bit hard to forget about it when it's the most amazing sex you've ever had." Meredith said sadly.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"You're kinda screwed."

"I'm kinda screwed." Meredith sighed.

.MD.LOVE.MD.LOVE.MD.LOVE.

At school on Monday Meredith avoided all contact, visual and audio, with Derek. He tried to talk to her, but she had ignored him. Both times. She couldn't handle it. Not today. Not ever. She couldn't talk to him. She couldn't even look at him without falling apart inside. She didn't show it, of course. She was Meredith Grey. She didn't fall apart, as far as everyone knew. But that would soon change. She was sure of it. She couldn't hold herself together much longer. All of a sudden, Meredith was grabbed by the arm and pulled into an empty classroom.

"Argh!" She screamed before she was silenced by a strong hand covering her mouth and silencing her whilst sending electric jolts throughout her body. It could only be one person.

"Shh." He murmured as his finger went toward her lips, creating yet another series of electric shocks to pass over her.

"Derek. What are you doing?" she asked as the shock washed out of her. "I can't talk to you right now. I just…I can't."

"I've realised. You've been avoiding me like the plague." He said as a small smile played flirtatiously at his lips. She relaxed a little in his grasp, and for this he was grateful. "But we can't experience something like that and not talk about it."

"Something like what?" Meredith asked as she faked cluelessness.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Ms. Grey."

"I have a physics class to get to." She said, avoiding the statement that made her weak at the knees just thinking about it.

"Mmm hmm." He sighed as he waited for all the excuses to be used.

"Derek! Stop it. Just leave me alone." She said as she broke down crying. She collapsed onto the ground, unable to support herself any longer.

"Not until we talk." He said as he sat behind her to help support her fragile body.

"We did. We're talking now." She sobbed before angrily swiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Come on Meredith." He cried desperately.

"Why? You don't know how to go back." She said as she curled into a little ball on the floor.

"Meredith." He stated painfully as he watched the woman that he was sure was the love of his life curl up in an act to hide the hurt she was feeling. He felt tears leave his eyes. "I love you." He sighed as he rubbed his hands through his hair.

"No! You do _not _get to do that. You can't say things like that to me. No! Just…Don't" she cried as she melted into his supporting hug and sobbed into his chest.

"Meredith. I am so sorry. I didn't know how much you meant to me before. I was stupid. Blind. But then, after a couple of days, I realised that I can't live without you. if you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me anymore, then I will leave you alone forever more." Meredith looked at him.

"I…I…I…" she sighed defeatedly. "Why did you go out with Rose then?" she asked as tears fell from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks gracefully and blue clashed with green.

"Mark's idea. He told me that I should date a girl to make you jealous. And if it didn't work then maybe I would grow to like her and stop moping around like a girl over you." Derek mimicked Mark's exact words with a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

"Seriously? You moped like a girl?" she laughed a little. Derek laughed too and nodded.

"I missed you." He admitted sadly.

"I missed you too. And just for the record, Rose made me jealous. So, so jealous." Meredith said.

"Oh. About Rose. She thinks we're still going out." Derek said sadly as he realised that before anything could happen he would have to dump the perky, clingy annoying girl.

"I'm still dating Finn." Meredith nodded disappointedly. "I love you so much." Meredith sighed as she moved closer into his chest.

"Now. About that physics class that you had to get to."

"Oh. I think it will survive without me for one lesson." She nodded, not wanting to move away from Derek in fear that she might not get him back again.

"Okay. I just want to stay here forever. With you." He clarified.

"Mmm. Me too. Who's class are we in?" Meredith asked as she looked around not recognising the surrounding walls.

"Mr. Morrison's class." Derek nodded.

"And why are we in here? Why isn't he in here?"

"I told him about you and he gave you and me the classroom and told me that he would ensure our teacher's thought that we were helping him out with something important."

"Oh. Okay. Thank you." Meredith smiled up at him from where her head was laying in his lap. Derek lent forward, bringing himself closer to her lips. She pulled her head up towards his and then their lips met. The kiss started out slow. Loving. But soon turned into a deep, passionate, amazing, breathtaking kiss. Possibly the most amazing kiss either had experienced, ever. Derek cupped her face, bringing her even closer to him, and she pushed her hands slightly up his shirt, emitting a small groan from his lips.

"Meredith. We can't. Not here." Derek said breathlessly as he pulled away from her seductive grasp.

"I know. Plus we have boyfriends and girlfriends." She nodded as if it were the most inconspicuous thing in the world.

"And I want my conscience clear before we start over."

"We're gonna start over? Really?" Meredith near squealed in excitement.

"I think it's for the best if we do." He smiled.

"Have I told you that I love you?" she asked as she kissed his lips quickly, but he longed for more. He placed his hand in her hair to bring her lips into his for a deep, longing kiss.

"Yes. But you can tell me again." He replied breathlessly.

"I love you." she smiled.

"I don't think I will _ever_ get tired of hearing that. ever." He smiled and kissed her slowly, their mouths moving together to match each other in every way. "I love you too. So much it kinda scares me."

"We can work on that together, because honestly, I am scared that I am too happy. Scared that it will all go away." Meredith sighed.

"It won't go away. I promise. I've lost you once. I'm not gonna lose you again."

"Okay." She smiled a genuinely happy smile. It felt good. Really, really good to feel this way again. She wasn't going to let it go again. They would be together for ever more because if they weren't, Meredith would surely shatter and break.

"Meredith?" Derek sighed, breaking the comfortable silence.

"mmm." She sighed.

"Do you wanna get married?" he asked hopefully.

"One day. Yeah." She nodded.

"No. I mean, like, now. Today. This week." He shrugged slightly.


	19. Make Sweet Love Right On The Ground

**A/N: Hey Guys. Next update. I enjoyed writing this one...you will see why later on the chapter...xD...I am not sure what I want to do for the next chapter. I have one idea in mind (skip to college.) But I don't know if I want to or not. I'll let it stew in my small brain for a while. Hopefully it won't be too long before my next update...everyone keep their fingers crossed. I hope you enjoy it!! Love to my fans xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"What?" Meredith said as she pulled away from him. "M…Married. Now?" she stuttered as she moved further away from him.

"Meredith." Derek sighed worriedly. "I was just asking. I know I wanna spend the rest if my life with you and I wanted to know if you wanted to get married." He tried to explain.

"N…N…No." she stumbled over her words. "We're, I mean, I'm a junior, Derek. I still have 2 years of school left…if I pass this year. I have missed a lot." She said more to herself than to Derek.

"Meredith. Please don't pull away." Derek begged as Meredith headed toward the door.

"I'm not. I'm fine. Really. I just…I have to get to class." She mumbled as she ran out of the classroom.

"Yes. You are." Derek mumbled to himself after she left.

.MD.LOVE.MD.LOVE.MD.LOVE.

The rest of the day at school was quiet. Meredith was sitting, not talking to anyone and Kathy was kicked out of the group by Izzie and George for doing something like that to someone she supposedly loved. Christina was the only one talking. She was trying to get Meredith to say more than 'I'm fine.'

"Meredith!" she sighed irritatedly.

"I'm fine." She said without moving her gaze from the blank spot on the table in front of her.

"No. you're not fine. Meredith. What's going on?" Christina dragged Meredith away from the rest of the gossipy group in an act of trying to get her person to talk. "Talk to me." She begged as they began walking side by side around the school.

"Nothing." She sighed. "I'm great." She smiled slightly in an attempt to prove that she was fine, but Christina knew better than to trust her on that.

"Don't lie to me." She warned.

"How do you know I'm lying?"

"I know a liar when I see a liar because I am a liar." She smirked, surprising herself with her wittiness.

"Whatever." She sighed.

"What's going on Meredith?"

"Derek and I are back together…I think."

"So you should be ecstatic, right?"

"I am." She smiled weakly.

"And I'm a flying pig in outer space." She retorted the bullshit that was fed out to her.

"So not the point." Meredith giggled slightly in an attempt to try and change the subject. "What do pigs flying through outer space have to do with mine and Derek's seriously messed up, crazy, weird relationship?"

"Absolutely nothing." Christina smiled.

"Okay then."

"So are you gonna tell me? Or am I gonna beat it out of you?"

"He asked me something." She started.

"Yeah…what? It's obviously not something good."

"I don't know if it is or not. I kinda just freaked out and ditched him after he said it."

"What is _it_?"

Meredith sighed heavily. "He asked me if I wanted to get married."

"Yeah. And?" Christina said as if this was supposed to be some big news.

"Now." Meredith finished.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"What did you say?"

"I don't know. I can't remember. I freaked out and ran away. Like I always do. I cant even stay and have a conversation with him. How am I gonna marry him?"

"Whoa whoa whoa! You said yes?"

"No! I said no. I'm just saying. We can't even talk without me having a huge freak out and avoiding him."

"I think I know what the problem is." Christina smirked.  
"Yeah? What?"

"You've been on a sex drought for a month. No sex for a month after you woke up the beast."

"Christina! Seriously!" Meredith said sternly. "I do _not _depend on sex."

"Mmm hmm." Christina nodded.

"But sex with Derek. I could use some of that." She thought better of her first statement.

"And tonight you're gonna get some." She chuckled, almost evilly.

"Only if I break up with Finn and he breaks up with Rose." She sighed sadly.

"I can manage that." Christina smiled evilly.

"Okay. But be nice. I'll let Derek know. That is if he still wants to talk to me."

"It will be fine. Now go get some, you desperate whore."

.MD.LOVE.MD.LOVE.MD.LOVE.

"So. Christina. Is. Breaking. Up. With. Both. Of. Our. Dates?" Derek asked in between sensual kisses.

"Yeah. Our. Consciences. Can. Be. Cleared." Meredith sighed breathlessly as she was laid back onto her bed. She arched into him as he collapsed sturdily on top of her.

"I need you." she whispered, her voice rough. Derek groaned in sexual desperation as he fumbled with the clasp that held her bra to her sweet breasts. The breasts that he needed in his mouth. He needed to hear her moan. To hear her moan was like to hear jingle bells at Christmas. And there it was. Several moments after he had taken the creamy pink tip in his mouth, she was sending him into a whirlwind spiral of ecstasy.

"I need you, too." He whispered, his voice haggard at the intensity bubbling between them. "Oh. God. Meredith." Derek near screamed as he breached orgasm point.

"Derek." Meredith moaned as she clenched her nails into his back for support from her shockwave orgasm. As her body shook with determination, Derek began to become overtaken by his own growing orgasm. Moments later they lay in a sweaty heap, they're bodies twisted into each other, gasping for any air they could get to their lungs. They could hear their rapidly beating hearts in their ears as the blood rushed quickly around their exhausted, but ecstatic, bodies.

"Well, you know what they say." Meredith sighed, breathless, but happy.

"No. What do they say?" he smiled lovingly at her before placing a sweet kiss on her forehead.

"Make-up sex is the best kind."

"And without a guilty conscience makes it even better." He smiled toward her exhausted body that was the holder of his every part of being. "I love you, Meredith Grey."

"I love sex with you Derek Shepherd." She giggled the giggle that drove him wild.

"Nice to know I'm good at something." He chuckled.

"And I love you." she smiled genuinely at him and he lent his face toward hers, giving her nose a soft, yet seductive kiss.

"I want to stay here like this forever." He sighed, still partly breathless from the intensity of several moments ago.


	20. Aint Gon' Have Nothing But The Supper On

**A/N: So, Someone left a comment telling me that they wanted to see the break ups…so I included them in here just for those of you that want to read them. xD I had a little bit of fun watching this chapter…well…when I didn't have writers block… :-( … total MerDer fluff…so for all lovers of that…please enjoy!! xD… next chapter should hopefully be up in the next couple of days…no promises though…life is rather crazy round here at the moment. Haven't had much chance to slow down any, hence writing most of this at school…. :-P … isn't that what school is for?! Anyways, enough rambling…and when you're done reading, please please please click that review button and make my day!? lemme know what you think?! Reviews are love….xD (and OMFG!! 3 DAYS!!) who else is as excited as me?! **

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, I would never have even invented 'Rose', and then she wouldn't be a problem in season 5…grr!! It all belongs to abc and Shonda Rimes. **

"Oi! You! Scrawny weird boy!" Christina called to Finn.

"I have a name, you know?" he said, slightly annoyed.

"Yeah. Whatever. Listen, I need to talk to you about Meredith."

"Okay…where is she anyway?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"She's breaking up with me?"

"Eh. You kinda were never together."  
"What are you talking about? We had a great date on Saturday night."

"Umm. You know when she left you at the table for half an hour?"

"Yeah…what's your point?"

"She was having amazing, sweaty sex against the back door of the kitchen." Christina said simply.

"She what?" he said furiously. "With who?" he asked with clenched fists.

"Derek." She shrugged.

"Derek Shepherd?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah. What about him?"

"We _hate_ each other. We used to be best friends until he stole my girlfriend in middle school."

"Ugh! Get over it, pansy ass." Christina said as she brushed past him and headed out of the school to find her next victim.

.MD.LOVE.MD.LOVE.MD.LOVE.

"Derek's girlfriend! Plant!" Christina called to Rose.

"Yes?" she looked at Christina with disgust.

"I am breaking up with you." She smirked.

"We were dating?" she asked sceptically.

"No you stupid plant! Who are you dating?" Christina asked with raised eyebrows.

"Umm. Tyler?" she said shyly.

"No."

"Aaron?" Christina shook her head.

"James?" she shook her head again.

"Derek?"

"Finally." She said, faking exhaustion.

"He's breaking up with me? And he couldn't even do it himself?" she asked sadly.

"Oh well. Get over it princess. You have others that can cheer you up."

"Excuse me? Did you just call me - -"

"A whore? Yes." Christina rolled her eyes and headed in the direction of her house.

_-Done. Love Chris. P.S. enjoy you're night of screaming orgasms. xxx _Christina sent Meredith a message so as not to interrupt her hot, sweaty, make-up sex.

.MD.LOVE.MD.LOVE.MD.LOVE.

"Christina said it's all over." Meredith sighed exhaustedly.

"Our consciences are clear." Derek smiled as he kissed Meredith's lips softly.

"I love you." She sighed as she pulled away and opened her eyes slowly.

"I love you too. So much. I wish I could show you how much, but even if I owned everything in this world, I still wouldn't be able to show you any where near how much you mean to me."

"You're so cheesy."

"You love it."

"I do." She nodded as she wrapped her arms tighter around him and moved closer to his naked body. She felt so safe in his arms. Just being near him made her feel invincible. Like anything in the world couldn't harm her.

"My sister's a bitch."

"She is."

"She really got you to break up with me? I can't believe she would do something like that."

"Yeah. Well, I believed her. I believed that she knew what was best for me. That's the last time I will ever trust her. But can we not talk about it. I would rather stay happy." Meredith smiled weakly up toward Derek.

"Of course. Sorry." He said honestly.

They lay their silently. It could have been minutes or hours. It didn't really matter.

"Derek?" Meredith said breaking the lingering, yet comfortable silence.

"Mmm." He mumbled.

"I think we need to talk."

"Yeah? What about?" he asked, clueless.

"You know…" Meredith said, now realising the awkwardness. "Today…in the classroom…you…arr…kind of said…something…" she stuttered.

"Oh."

"What did you mean by it? Why did you ask me?"

"It's just that…Well…I know that we're really young…and it was probably stupidly wrong…but I also know that I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. I know that we don't need a marriage to prove our love, but it was just one of those random questions…you know?"

"Okay." Meredith smiled and began to move herself off the bed.

"Where are you going?" he asked her as he sat up and traced her body with his eyes.  
"To take a shower and then find something to eat." Meredith sighed exhaustedly as she moved closer to her bathroom.

"And why wasn't I invited?" Derek asked, faking sadness.

"because I have no energy left right now, and I want a quick 5 minute shower to feel refreshed. I hate the feeling of dried sweat on my body."

"Hmm…nice. Dried sweat." Derek said amused.

"Shut up. And don't follow me." she said as he began to get up and chase her. Derek's face fell at the rejection, and she smiled toward him.

"But I want more sex now." He cried as he walked to the bathroom door, not daring to go inside because of the amazing force a such a small beautiful woman. If he entered that bathroom, he wouldn't be able to get out of it again with out being savaged by loud moans, groans and grunts. "What do you want to eat?" he asked as he drew small circles on the door in anticipation of what tonight would hold.

"Umm…there's a take-out menu on my bedside table?" Meredith suggested.

"Oily, greasy food from a frozen box? Yum yum" Derek stated sarcastically.

"Shut up. What did you have in mind?" she called back.

"Well…I could whip up something if you'd like?!"

"You cook?"

"Well…being brought up by a mother and 4 sisters…yeah." He shrugged as she exited the bathroom, the smell of lavender wafting through all of his senses. His body shook slightly with desire at the smell. It was beautiful, and yet, reminded him so much more of tonight.

"Okay, genius. Let's see what you can do." Meredith teased.

"Oi. Be nice." Derek feigned offence as he followed Meredith down the stairs and reached an arm around her waist as they reached the bottom, his fingers suddenly tingling from simply touching her.

As Derek prepared their meal, Meredith sifted through the mail that had come through. Most were for her mother, but one logo placed at the top of an A3 envelope caught her eye. Her acceptance letter from Dartmouth. This was it, she thought. She was either accepted or she wasn't. She was off in her own little world, trying to figure out what the piece of paper that determined her future would say. She began contemplating whether or not she should open it when Derek's hand snaked it's way around her waist, causing her to let out a loud shriek.

"Whoa!" Derek said, surrendering his hands. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I just got lost in my own little world." She said as she turned in his arms and kissed him deeply before pulling back and looking into his eyes. "I love you." she said honestly.

"You too." He told her, still mesmerised by her beautiful eyes. He couldn't seem to draw his attention away from her.

"Umm…food." Meredith said finally as the smell began to waft through the air.

"Oh, yeah." Derek said as he pulled himself away to check on the chicken that was frying on the stove.


	21. It's The Chance Of Life

**A/N: So, I am really, really, really, really, really, really, really sorry that this took so long to get up. I got so stuck. I had no idea what to do with it. For the past week, it's been up on my computer, but not touched...just stared and cursed at. i was just stuck. so this is just a really short filler so as i can hopfully move on with the next chapter...maybe tonight...maybe tomorrow...maybe another week (though i really really hope not)...ow...and thank you so much to all the AMAZING reviews!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

For the next week, Meredith was acting weirdly around Derek. She seemed distant, and he couldn't help but think it had something to do with the Dartmouth letter that he had glimpsed a week earlier. It wasn't making sense to him though. Meredith was only a junior. Why was she getting letters from Dartmouth?

/

Meredith had managed to keep a huge secret from everyone. Everyone included Christina. And Derek. She hadn't told anyone. Her mother knew about it, but that was only because she had to sign the forms for it. Meredith sat on the edge of her bed staring at the A3 envelope in her hands with the green logo on the top left corner of it. she had done the same thing every day for a week. Sat and stared, contemplating on whether she should open it.

"Mer?" Derek repeated again. She looked up at him and realised that he was staring at the envelope in her hands. The envelope that he recognised from a week ago.

"Hi." She whispered.

"Is everything ok?" he asked as he sat down on the bed next to her and traced small patterns on her back.

"There's something that I need to tell you. That I need to tell everyone. I have kept a secret for months, and I - -"

Derek cut her off. "Meredith. What is it?" he said seriously as she stared into his blue eyes.

"I think I may have been accepted into Dartmouth for next year." She said without looking up.

"But you're only a junior…" Derek was trying to make sense of it all.

"My grades are higher than most seniors. This envelope determines whether I will be going to college next year or not." She said, her voice becoming shaky with nerves.

"That's great, Mer." He said excitedly as he lifted her face to his and gently placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"But I will be leaving so many people behind. You and Christina and Izzie and Alex and George. I haven't told any of them yet."

"Why not?"

"What if I haven't got in? I would have got them either angry…if we're talking about Christina…or excited if we're talking about Izzie…for nothing. I need to know whatever is in this envelope says. And I need you to help me."

"Okay." Derek said calmly as he took the envelope out of Meredith's grasp and kissed her lips softly. "Good luck." He mumbled against her lips. She managed a weak smile as he opened the envelope. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." She said quietly. Derek took the letter out and read the first line of it. he turned to Meredith, his face lit up with excitement. "Mer?" he said as he pulled her into a bear hug. "Look." He handed her the letter and she read the top line too.

_It is our pleasure to announce that you have been accepted into Dartmouth College for the semester starting in Fall, 2009._

As much as she tried to hide it, Meredith's smile took up her face. "I got in?" she asked with disbelief. "I got in." she told herself.

"You did."

"Oh my god." She sighed with excitement.

"I'm so proud of you. And I love you." Derek said as he tucked some lose hair behind her ear.

"Do I get a congratulatory kiss now?" she sighed as she edged closer to his lips.

"You do." He mumbled against her lips as he pulled her close to him.

**A/N 2: ok...so thats it...next chapter is gona jump to mer and der leaving for college...because i am just so stuck...and i have nothing else to write about this...so sorry...kinda... :s please review...leave any inspiration?! it does help...and just let me know what you think...i know there isnt much here to review...but still...please?! ok... love to the readers... xxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	22. As We Go Our Seperate Ways

**A/N: Okay, so this is the chapter, finally! I know I said hopefully Thursday...and I tried. I really did. But I got stuck, again. So this is it. I finally got it up. I hope you like it, or at least enjoy it. Oh, and one more thing. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE AWESOME REVIEWS. If I didn't get them, I don't think I would have ever got this chapter up. Seriosuly. I was determined to work on this update straight away because of all the AWESOME reviews. And I know I'm a really really sucky author for keeping you waiting so long and giving you crap. But that's all I have to offer, and it seems that most of you like the crap that I offer you. For this I am eternally grateful. I know I am rambling. I know. But, I am just amazined at all the reviews I recieved for such a short filler. Okay. Shutting up now. xoxo Keet. (p.s. 3 days until HERE COMES THE FLOOD!! YAY!! LOTS MORE MD MOMENTS!!) xD I love all of you!! Thank you, again. **

"Okay. This is the last bag." Richard said as he packed Meredith's stuff in Derek's car and headed to the airport.

"I'll call when I land in New Hampshire." She reassured him.

"I can't believe my little Meredith is going to college already." Ellis practically cooed.

"Mum!" Meredith sighed slightly embarrassed.

"Sorry. Kiss?" she said as she put her cheek to the side for Meredith to kiss.

"Bye mum." She hugged her. "See you Richard." She smiled and took her step-father in for a hug. "I'll see you in the mid-semester break."

"Good luck." He smiled as she hopped in the passenger side of Derek's car and they drove toward the airport.

/

"Don't forget to call when you get in." Derek sighed as he brushed some hair from Meredith's eyes.

"I won't." She smiled sadly.

"I'll miss you."

"I miss you already." She said as a tear slipped out of her eyes.

"Don't cry. It's not like this is goodbye _goodbye. _It's just…until next time."

"I know. But when will until next time be? We've been inseparable since we got back together 4 months ago. Now I'm not going to see you for like…how ever long." Meredith said, forcing herself not to think how long it would be until she would be able to hold him and kiss him.

"Meredith. Look at me." she did as she was asked and looked up at him through her blurry, tear-filled eyes. "I will see you back here, in this airport, in 8 weeks. Okay."

"I love you." she said as she hugged him tightly.

"I love you too." He said as he pulled her away from him to kiss her. He slowly brushed his bottom lip against hers before she deepened the kiss. Her hands went up to the curls at the top of his neck. His arms went instinctively around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

"_Now calling all passengers for flight 721 to New Hampshire." _The PA system played twice through.

"Mer. That's your call." Derek mumbled against her lips.

"No. I don't want to go. I want to stay with you." she held on to him tightly.

"Come on Mer. You'll miss your flight. And I will too, soon." He said as he reluctantly pushed her away from him. "I love you. never forget that. and I'll talk to you whenever I can."

"I love you too. I will speak to you when I check in to my dorm. Goodbye, Derek." And with a quick kiss on his lips she left him standing alone in the airport with nothing but luggage and a hollow heart. He was already missing her, and she'd only been gone for moments. How was he going to survive weeks?

/

"Hi." Meredith said timidly as she dragged herself wearily through the door to what would be the home for the next 4 years.

"You must be Meredith Grey." The girl said, looking up from the text book she was reading.

"Yeah, I guess I am." She held out a hand for the girl to shake.

"I'm Taylor James. Nice to meet you." she smiled and took Meredith's hand.

"So, where are you from?" Meredith asked as she sat on her bed.

"I was born in Idaho, but I grew up in Boston. How about you?"

"I was born in Boston, but I've lived practically my whole life in Seattle."

"I lived in Seattle for a few years when I was 10. It was kinda…depressing. I mean, it rained like, every day."

"Well, not every day." Meredith laughed at the memory of her and Derek in the rain. Derek! Crap! "But, you get used to it. And I kinda like it. Listen, I have to make a couple of phone calls. I'll be back soon." Meredith smiled.

"Okay, sure. I know what parents can be like." Taylor said as she lay back on her bed and returned to the text book she was reading.

/

"So, you wanna go to a club?" Meredith asked as she entered her room again.

"I'm only 18." Taylor sighed sadly.

"And I'm only 16."

"16? You're joking, right?"

"Nope. My grades were higher than most of the seniors, so I applied for colleges during my Junior year."

"And you got in?"

"To all except Brown, which I got waitlisted for." Meredith smiled, slightly proud.

"Wow. That's pretty cool." She smiled. "But I still don't think they're gonna let a 16 and an 18 year old into a nightclub."

"Well, you might be right, but they will let a 22 and a 25 year old in." Meredith smiled excitedly as she held up two new fake ID's.

"Oh. My. God. How did you? When?" Taylor asked excitedly.

"Good friend of mine back in Seattle…owed me a favour…whatever."

"But, you didn't have my picture. Or my name. Or anything."

"I'm good friends with Fisher." Meredith shrugged.

"You mean Dean Fisher?" she asked excitedly.

"Yeah. He went to school with my mother."

"But that doesn't explain how you got my picture or my name." she said skeptically.

"I asked him for all the details about my room mate. So he sent them all to me, along with a photo."

"So much for confidentiality."

"He owed my mum a favour, and I told him that she wanted to know everything about her daughters room mate, but that she was piled up with back to back surgeries for a week."

"Mmm. Well, I'm gonna go get dressed." She said as she got up and headed for their bathroom. "Did I mention that I love you?" she laughed before disappearing into the washroom.

/

"ID please?" the bouncer asked as they entered the club.

"Sure." Meredith smiled as she dug her hand into her purse.

"Thank you. Have a good night, ladies." He smiled at them as they headed toward the bar.

"Wow. So this is what a nightclub looks like?" Taylor stated in awe.

"Seriosuly?! You've never been in a nightclub before?" Meredith asked, half astonished, but half expecting that. Taylor just shook her head as she continued to look around the crowded, loud and dimly lit building.

"What can I get you two ladies tonight?" the bartender asked.

"I'll have tequila" Meredith smiled.

"Umm. I think I'll have the same."

"Two tequila shots coming up." He smiled.

"So, what's your name?" Meredith asked with a huge fake smile.

"Walter. You?"

"What makes you think I have a name?" she flirted shamelessly.

"Well, someone as beautiful as you has to have been given a name at some stage."

"Hmm." She smiled. "Meredith."

"Meredith. Nice name. I gotta go; I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Not unless you fill up another 6 of these babies."

"Boy problems?"

"Nope."

"Family problems?"

"Nope.

"Life problems?"

"Nope."

"Anything wrong?"

"Nope."

"Okay then." He smiled as he filled up 6 more shot glasses.

"What was that about?" Taylor asked, slightly amused.

"I find that it's better to get to know the bar tenders. They give you more attention when you want another drink, and sometimes you even get free ones."

"Okay." Taylor said as she gulped back her second shot, while Meredith finished her 4th.

"Wanna go dance?" she asked.

"I don't really know how to."

"Don't be silly. Everyone knows how to dance. You just gotta move with the music." Meredith slurred slightly.

"Okay. I guess I could give it a go." She said as she finished off her 4th shot.

/

"That guy over there has been watching you practically all night." Taylor giggled as they collapsed into a booth in the corner.

"Ugh. Do they not have any morals?" Meredith sighed exhaustedly.

"He is kinda cute." She laughed.

"Not gonna happen."

"Why not?"

"I _have _a boyfriend."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Where is he right now?"

"Checking in to his dorm."

"He goes here to?"

"Havard." Meredith sighed sadly.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"You miss him?"

"More than you can imagine."

"How long have you been together?"

"Well, we've known each other since I was five. I was best friends with his sister."

"Was?"

"It's coming just give me a minute."

"Okay."

"Me and Derek, we used to tease each other all the time. Then one day, I went over to his house coz we had this kind of…awkward moment at school…and I wanted to know what it was about. One thing led to another and his sister, my best friend, Kathy, kind of…caught us…yeah…and I didn't think this…'thing' that she caught us doing meant anything, but a few days later, Derek told me that he'd loved me for years and years. We were together and happy and then Kathy told me that if we wanted to stay friends that I had to end my relationship with Derek. I thought she knew what was best for me, so I did what she asked. And then a month or so later, after I had skipped school almost every day and got drunk almost every night, I got asked out by this guy, Finn. And we went to dinner at this fancy restaurant and Derek was there with his new girlfriend, Rose. We couldn't look away from each other for ages before I excused myself and went outside to get away from him when he followed me. And then we…you know?!"

"You had sex with your ex while on a first date with someone else?!" Taylor interrupted, astonished.

"Yeah. Anyway, a week or something after that, we talked and got back together, and we've been together for four months."

"Wow. It sounds like one of those TV dramas on cable that you get these days."

"Yeah, I suppose it does." Meredith sighed. "You are not to repeat a word of that to anyone."

"You think I'm gonna remember it in the morning?"

"Good point. But still. Please?" Meredith said with pleading eyes. Taylor nodded genuinely. "I think we need some more shots."

"Me too."

"Wait here. I'll be back in a couple of minutes. With more tequila." She added with a wide smile.


End file.
